Making the Holidays Less Materialistic

"The gimmes" are all around us during the holiday season. It can be hard for kids — and parents — to look beyond all of the product-driven hoopla and remember what the holidays are really about.
It's not the gifts but what's behind them that's important — the spirit of giving. Help your kids learn the fun of giving, and how rewarding it can be to look for, make, and wrap something special — or do something special — for people they care about and others who are in need.
Here are five ways to curb materialism in your kids and reinforce the real reason for the season:

1. Teach Kids to Question Marketing Messages

From the TV commercials during cartoons to the promos on the backs of cereal boxes, marketing messages target kids of all ages. And to them, everything looks ideal, like something they simply have to have. It all sounds so appealing — often, so much better than it really is.
The ads kids see around the holidays can help foster unrealistic expectations and lead to disappointment. After imagining their "wish list" items all around them, it's hard for reality to measure up when they actually open their gifts.
Of course, it's nearly impossible to eliminate all exposure to marketing messages. You can certainly turn off the TV or at least limit your kids' watching time, but they'll still see and hear ads for the latest gizmos and must-haves.
Explain, when your kids ask for products they see advertised, that commercials and other ads are designed to make people want things they don't necessarily need. And these ads are often meant to make us think that these products will make us happier somehow. Talking to kids about what things are like in reality can help put things into perspective.

• Ask what they think about the products they see advertised as you're watching TV, listening to the radio, reading magazines, or shopping together. Ask thought-provoking questions, such as "Do you think that product really looks, tastes, or works the same way as it seems to in the ad?"
• To limit exposure to TV commercials, experts recommend having kids watch public television stations, recorded programs (without the ads), and children's videos and DVDs.

Teach your kids that not everything they want can always be theirs and that a little "want" here and there isn't all bad. The key is to want things in moderation and to fully appreciate what you're given. Emphasize that the holidays are a special time, when a lot of love and thought is put into gift giving.

2. Focus on Family Traditions

Traditions that focus on family or friends can be a great way to put meaning back into the holidays. Here are a couple of ideas:

• Talk about which family traditions your family loves the most. Then figure out how you can put more emphasis on them. If you love the tradition of lighting the menorah, get together as a group to make your own candles. If you enjoy the family trip to pick out a tree, make it an all-day event and head to a tree farm to choose your own.
• Find out what the holidays mean to others. Have your kids talk to a grandparent, parent, uncle, or aunt about how they spent the holidays growing up. Some holiday traditions that used to be strong — such as neighborhood caroling — are all but lost today. Maybe you'd like to revive some of these as a way to share some holiday spirit with your family, friends, or community.
• Build some new traditions. If you don't have any family traditions, it's never too late to start. Get together around activities that you all enjoy, such as cooking or ice-skating. Ask your kids what they would enjoy doing every year and make an effort to do it. If you can't all decide on one thing, make traditions out of several, so that everyone feels like part of the festivities.

3. Teach Kids to Give of Themselves

Volunteerism, especially around the holidays, offers an ideal opportunity for families to have fun and feel closer to each other at the same time. Community service helps to drive home the message that giving is much more than laying down cash for the hot gift of the season or scrambling around to buy mounds of presents.
Volunteerism can show kids that giving your time, effort, and kindness is more rewarding than just expecting to receive lots of presents.
Also, if volunteering begins at an early age, it can become part of your kids' lives — something they just want to do. It can teach them:

• that one person can make a difference. A wonderful, empowering message for kids is that they are important enough to have an impact on someone or something else.
• the benefit of sacrifice. By giving up a toy to a less fortunate child, a child learns that sometimes it's good to sacrifice. Cutting back on recreation time to help others reinforces that there are important things other than ourselves and our immediate needs.
• tolerance. Working in community service can bring kids and teens together with people of different backgrounds, abilities, ethnicities, ages, and education and income levels. They'll likely find that even the most diverse individuals can be united by common values.
• to be even more appreciative of what they have. By helping others who aren't as fortunate, kids can better see all the remarkable things to be grateful for in their own lives.

Choose to help an organization or group that fits with your family's values and the things you believe in. Just a few ways you can help out in your community and beyond:

• Sponsor another family in need or purchase some presents for less fortunate children through a toy donation program. Let your kids pick out and wrap the gifts themselves.
• If your kids love animals, talk to your local animal shelter. Many distribute staples like pet food to low-income pet owners over the holidays and need volunteers to help.
• Give back to the elderly in your area. Help out at a nursing home; visit with older people who could use a little extra joy and company around the holidays; bring gifts or meals to those who are homebound; or lend a hand to elderly neighbors with decorating, cooking, or wrapping presents.
• Volunteer your family's time by helping out at a children's hospital or homeless shelter or building or refurbishing housing for people in need.

Community service can teach kids that giving comes in many forms, not just as presents. Emphasize that giving of their time, effort, and caring can mean so much more — and last longer — than any gift that money can buy.

4. Give Gifts With Meaning

Of course, gift giving will always be a large part of the holiday season. And with good reason — it can teach kids to really consider what might make others happy and what's important to people they care about. Watching loved ones' faces as they open presents that your children put a lot of heart and thought into can make the holidays more worthwhile for your kids.
But presents don't always have to be purchased in a store. Teach your kids how to put some real meaning and feelings into their gifts this year and beyond. Making their own presents can help show just how much kids care and can make the experience of giving more rewarding for both kids and their gift recipients.
Here are some ideas to get your family started:

• Make homemade gifts together.
  • Create photo albums, especially small "brag books" that family members can carry around with them. Not only does this capture precious memories and show just how much they mean, making photo album gifts also shows loved ones that a lot of thought and time was put into their presents.
  • Print and frame favorite digital photos of friends and loved ones.
  • Create customized stationery for people on your family's list using your home computer and printer.
  • Have your kids create their own customized artwork — collages, paintings, drawings, etc. — and put them in fun frames. They can even decorate the frames.
  • Create a customized family tree for family members (something grandparents would especially appreciate).
  • Make your own batches of presents, like potpourri or ornaments, or wrapping paper and customized home decorations like wreaths.
  • Create personalized family videos for long-distance friends and loved ones.
• Give philanthropic gifts. Many communities hold fairs where you can buy gifts by making a donation to causes your family and friends care about. Others offer actual gifts made by people with special needs. Check out charity organizations' websites for information on donating money on behalf of others and about gifts whose proceeds go to the charity itself.
• Instead of giving gifts of things, teach kids to consider giving gifts of time. For example, their grandmother may welcome their help in learning how to use a computer program. Or their little sister may want to learn how to knit. Have family members create special gift certificates (e.g., "two free car washes," "five free specially prepared meals," "10 free loads of laundry," etc.). These days, when everyone's so stretched, a gift of time can be more meaningful than one that costs big bucks.

Be a Good Holiday Role Model

Show your kids that the holidays can be joyous and fulfilling, not just a stress-ridden time that revolves around marathon shopping trips. Emphasize early on that it's not about tons of presents, but giving and receiving a few heartfelt gifts.
By starting early with traditions that emphasize the true meaning of the holidays and the caring thoughts behind gift giving, you can help to mold your kids' perspectives on the holiday season and what it means to both give and receive all year long.

This information was provided by Willis-Knighton Health System. For more medically reviewed health information written for parents, kids, and teens visit <www.wkhs.com>. ©2008 The Nemours Foundation/KidsHealth. Used under license.

What interferes with open communicaton?

Sometimes communication is difficult. Perhaps one or more family members have strong feelings about the situation and express these feelings in ways that may confuse the child. Warning signs may include:

 

• Family members feel very angry towards one another. They have trouble dealing with and expressing these feelings
• Family members feel very defensive and resentful. They may think that others blame them for another family member's problems. For example, a parent may feel blamed for the child's problems or a grandparent may feel blamed for a parent's problems.
• Family members feel hostile toward people outside the family. This may include teachers or other school personnel, "the system," or professionals who are trying to help. They may turn down support or help that is offered.

 

These feelings affect children. Feelings that are communicated in very negative ways, such as sarcasm, shouting, yelling, mean statements, hostile silence, or even hitting are harmful. They affect the child's communication with others and distance them from people who are trying to help. Negative communication keeps families from understanding that every member plays a role. It also can make families less open to change and lead to problems in the child's life.

 

 

 

Credits

Authors

Julie Poehlmann, Ph. D.

Assistant Professor

Human Development and Family

Studies

Waisman Center

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Mary Brintnall-Peterson, Ph. D.

Professor, Family Living Programs

University of Wisconsin–Extension

Rebecca Shlafer

Research Intern

Human Development and Family

Studies

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Kari Morgan, Ph. D.

Former Program Specialist

Family Living Programs

University of Wisconsin Extension

Behaviors as communication: What is your grandchild trying to tell you?

Young children often do not have the language skills to clearly put words to their thoughts and feelings. You'll have to take clues from their behavior to try to understand what they're trying to communicate.

Sometimes, children act out to get attention because they feel sad or neglected. Other times, children withdraw from the environment and ignore special people in their lives. This does not mean they don't care about those people. Sometimes children act in certain ways because they don't know any other way to express themselves.

Understanding your grandchild's behaviors may be easy. It's not as simple as "If my grandchild does X, he's feeling Y." Children (and adults) are not that straightforward. One behavior can express a number of different things. Understanding the child and the stuation can help you figure out what the behaviors mean.

The source of a child's behaviors can depend on a lot of different things. Understanding these factors is important. It is one key to helping you understand what your grandchildren are saying when they behave in ways that are confusing or troublesome.

Factors within the child:

• age
• developmental level (especially language skills)
• child's temperament (is the child usually busy, calm, fussy, or pleasant?)
• gender
• physical well-being (is the child hungry, tired, or sick?)
• emotional well-being (is the child stressed or depressed?)

Factors within the family:

• quality of family relationships
• communication styles in the family
• time spent together
• what has the child been told about the situation?
• what does the child know about the situation?

Factors within the situation:

• how recent are the changes in the child's life?
• school environment
• quality of friendships
• neighborhood factors
• grandparents' job
• other stressors and supports

Credits

Authors

Julie Poehlmann, Ph. D.

Assistant Professor

Human Development and Family

Studies

Waisman Center

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Mary Brintnall-Peterson, Ph. D.

Professor, Family Living Programs

University of Wisconsin–Extension

Rebecca Shlafer

Research Intern

Human Development and Family

Studies

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Kari Morgan, Ph. D.

Former Program Specialist

Family Living Programs

University of Wisconsin Extension

Problems in Communication

Some situations prevent open communication. Sometimes the grandparent is in control of communication between the parent and the grandchild. When  a parent is in prison or jail, the only way a young chld can contact him or her is through another adult--usually the grandparent. The grandparent is responsible for travel to the prison, calling the parent, mailing cards or letters, etc. This role can add more stress for a grandparent who already has a difficult job.

Sometimes it's hard to know what a parent will do, which can be hard on you as well as your grandchild. When a parent drops in without warning, other family members can be caught off guard. They may become angry, making your grandchild feel insecure. Helping your grandchild understand by talking openly about his or her feelings can make the situation easier.

What children are told about the situation may not reflect what they learn on their own. Children can read people's emotions by what they hear, see, and feel. They hear adults talking or piece together bits of information. Often they understand more than adults think they do.

When deciding what to tell your grandchildren about the situation, it's important to consider thei age and developmental skills. The following tips may help:

1. Avoid telling the child too much.  Many children are simple too young to understand the whole story. When grandparents tell a young child all of the details of the situation, they may be doing more harm than good.  Too much information can be confusing, scary, and overwhelming for the child.

2. Avoid telling the child too little or nothing at all. Kids are smart. They will pick up tidbits about their situation, even if the details are not discussed directly. If children learn about what's going on from someone else, they could feel urt, deceived, and confused. They may avoid asking you questions or talking to you about other important concerns because they think certain topics are "off limits."

3. Never twist the facts or lie to the child. Even young children know the difference between the truth and a lie. They often piece together information, but then are afraid to talk about the truth. Some people may twist the facts in an effort to protect the child. But that approach often backfires. When children are told untruths about the situation, they may become very confused, angry, and hurt. The best strategy is to be honest with your grandchildren, at their level of understanding. Your grandchildren will learn the importance of trust and honesty in relationships.

When talking with any child, it is important to keep in mind his or her skills and limits.

The Importance of Open Communication

Open communication means taking the time to listen, explaining facts in simple and honest ways, and clearly expressing your thoughts and feelings. Families that communicate openly listen and talk with one another. The lines of communication need to go both directions.

Open communication can help make life changes easier for a child. It can help children understand that behaviors go along with thoughts and feelings. For example, if you're upset with something your grandchild has done, explaining why will help him recognize what made Grandma or Grandpa angry and it will help him to change his behavior.

In many situations, open communication between grandparents, parents, and children is not possible. Sometimes no one may know where the parent is living. Or, for legal reasons, the parent may not be allowed to see the child. Relationships may have a lot of problems. When there are two parents and two sets of grandparents, open communication may be more difficult.

Open communication between you and your grandchild is essential. If possible, talk honestly and openly with your grandchildren in a way that they will understand. Having someone they trust to talk with--and get answers from--helps children feel safe and understood. Open communication is important for a positive relationship.

Although it may be out of your control, having your grandchild stay in touch with his or her parent can be helpful. Staying in touch on a regular basis with their parents can be reassuring and comforting to your grandchildren. Not knowing when or if they will hear from their parents is very hard for children.

After talking with a parent, either in person or on the phone, children may seem upset. They may feel confused. In most cases, being upset doesn't mean children shouldn't talk to their parents, Instead, make sure you take time to help them "debrief" and to express their feelings.

Credits

Authors

Julie Poehlmann, Ph. D.

Assistant Professor

Human Development and Family

Studies

Waisman Center

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Mary Brintnall-Peterson, Ph. D.

Professor, Family Living Programs

University of Wisconsin–Extension

Rebecca Shlafer

Research Intern

Human Development and Family

Studies

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Kari Morgan, Ph. D.

Former Program Specialist

Family Living Programs

University of Wisconsin Extension

Kick Up Your Halloween Food Fun!

http://www.grandparents.com/food-and-leisure/holiday-recipes/cool-ghoul-cupcakes-recipe

 Instructions:

1. Green Goblin
Sour gummy candy rings and straws, white and green jelly beans, mini chocolate chips

2. Witchy Ways
Mini candy-coated chocolates, dyed coconut, chocolate cookie, sugar cone, purchased green icing

3. Going Batty
Halved chocolate wafer cookie, candy-coated chocolate piece, sprinkles, purchased green icing

4. So Spooked
White candy-coated almonds, puffed cocoa cereal

5. Alien Invasion
Dark chocolate-covered almonds

6. Peek A Boo
Sliced marshmallow, small mint candies, candy-coated chocolate piece, sugar

7. Whooo’s There?
Oval chocolate cookie, cashew, fruit-flavor candy circles, shaved coconut, pretzel rods, mini chocolate chips

8. Under Wraps
Candy-coated chocolate pieces, purchased green and white icing

9. Ghostly Figure
White fondant cookie-cutter cutout


Thank you grandparents.com for some great fun food ideas for the grandkids!

Developing Attachment Relationships

Understanding how children form relationships with others is important in helping children learn to communicate and behave. The following list describes the usual path children take when developing attachment relationships.

 

1. Pre-attachment

• Birth to 6 weeks
• Babies are in close contact with caregivers
• Caregivers meet babies' needs for food and comfort
• Most babies do not get upset when left with a stranger

2. Attachment in the making

• 6 weeks to 6-8 months
• Children begin to respond to attachment figures in special ways (for example, a baby may calm down more easily for his mother than he would for another person)
• Late in this phase, children express distress with strange people and objects; they may cry or fuss if a stranger tries to hold them for the first time.

3. Clear-cut attachment

• 6-8 months to 18-24 months
• Nearly all children have formed an attachment relationship by this time
• Children show great distress when their caregiver leaves. A child may cry or have a tantrum when her mom leaves for work or when left with a babysitter.
• Children find a sense of security from caregivers who respond with understanding, openness, and love

4. Reciprocal relationships

• 18-24 months and older
• If they have learned to expect comfort, safety, and love, children feel secure when the caregiver is gone for a short period of time
• If the caregiver is gone for long periods of time, children become very unhappy
• Children form other relationships based on these early relationships

Questions to ask yourself...

• What was your relationship with your grandchild prior to the present living arrangement? How would you describe your relationship now?
• What does the child know about the situation ( ex. where his or her parents are)? How has it been explained?
• Is this a temporary or permanent change for the child? If temporary, how long will it last?
• How are you feeling about parenting your grandchild? Do you have someone you can talk to about your feelings?

 

 Reference: Bowllby,J.Attachment and Loss. 3 vols. New York:Basic Books, 1969-1980)

Authors:

Julie Poehlmann, Ph. D.Assistant Professor Human Development and Family Studies, Waisman Center, University of Wisconsin-Madison

Mary Brintnall-Peterson, Ph. D. Professor, Family Living Programs, University of Wisconsin–Extension

Rebecca Shlafer Research InternHuman Development and Family Studies, University of Wisconsin-Madison

Kari Morgan, Ph. D Former Program Specialist Family Living Programs, University of Wisconsin Extension

Positive Attachment Figures

Most children have a few attachment figures in their lives. An attachment figure typically cares for the child physically and emotionally, is someone the child can count on, and has an emotional attachment to the child. Most grandparents raising grandchildren meet these standards.

People who have a positive attachment relationship with a child share the following characteristics:

• Sensitive
• Loving
• Available
• Close by
• Stable
• Open
• Responsive
• Affectionate
• Trustworthy
• Consistent

Although most children develop several attachment relationships, the quality of these relationships may be different. Four types of attachment relationships have been studied: one is a secure type and three are insecure types. The secure attachment relationship is ideal for a child's healthy development. A child with an insecure attachment relationship may... 

•  avoid close relationships
• feel conflicted about close relationships or
• feel confused and fearful about close relationships.

Many studies have examined children's attachment relationships and their effects on development. A good relationship with a positive attachment figure can have important, long-lasting effects on a child's development. A healthy relationship is shown to:

• enhance a child's pretend play
• promote a child's healthy exploration
• enrich a child's educational experiences in school
• lead to healthy self-concepts and self-understanding
• increase a child's confidence
• increase a child's learning through experimentation
• lead to positive relationships with friends.

From: "The Importance of Close Relationships, Grandparents Raising Grandchildren, University of Wisconsin Extension

Authors

Julie Poehlmann, Ph. D.Assistant Professor Human Development and Family Studies, Waisman Center, University of Wisconsin-Madison

Mary Brintnall-Peterson, Ph. D. Professor, Family Living Programs, University of Wisconsin–Extension

Rebecca Shlafer Research InternHuman Development and Family Studies, University of Wisconsin-Madison

Kari Morgan, Ph. D Former Program Specialist Family Living Programs, University of Wisconsin Extension

Importance of Attachment

Six Stories to Share with Your Grandchildren

Sharing family history through stories provides children a positive connection to the generations before them, vivid anecdotes to cherish and recall about those they love, those who love them in return. Though each family has unique experiences worth passing along, here are six stories we all have to share:
How you met your partner in grandparenting. This story serves as the genesis of your family, the reason for all stories that follow, making it the natural spot to begin sharing family history. Were you and your spouse school chums? Was it love at first sight? What made you nervous, made you laugh, made you know it was meant to be? Grandchildren will appreciate not only your words but the nostalgic gleam in your eye as you recall young love.
The day the grandchild’s parent was born. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the grandchild’s Mommy or Daddy in the baby carriage. Tell your grandchild all about the glorious day her parent arrived in the world – minus any frightening tales of being in labor, of course. Considering Mommy or Daddy as a wrinkled and wailing yet oh-so adorable infant will surely make any child smile.
The day the grandchild was born. Talk about adorable! This is the day that matters more than any other to a child. Sure, they likely heard the story from Mom’s and Dad’s perspective, but what about Grandma’s or Grandpa’s? Were you in the room when the grandchild entered the world? Or were you miles away, the phone close by your side as you anxiously awaited news that would forever rock your world? Did you laugh or cry with joy? And how did that first cuddle with your newborn grandbaby feel?
School days, school ways. Once a child begins kindergarten all the way up through the college years, school makes up the bulk of his experiences. Share your own experiences related to teachers, classmates, beloved (and detested) subjects, extracurricular activities, and more. Why was your favorite teacher your favorite? Did you walk to school or ride a bus? And as lunchtime continues to be a favorite part of the school day, what was the midday meal like for you? Some things were likely very different back in your school days, others very much the same.
Your first job and your favorite job. Early work experiences provide far more than money for movie tickets or coveted clothing parents can’t provide. First jobs help teach responsibility, new skills, a sense of purpose, an understanding of the world outside our homes and, more often than not, provide some of the first non-family role models in a young adult’s life. Grandchildren who will soon seek employment – from babysitting and lawn-mowing jobs to post-college careers – will especially relate to stories from Grandma or Grandpa on how they navigated the business world, for better and for worse.
Your proudest moments. Pride in oneself is a powerful and positive tool, and there’s no easier way to encourage that in children than by sharing anecdotes of pride-filled moments from your past. Are your proudest moments tied to creative pursuits or related to service to your family, your community, your country? Perhaps it was a moment of realizing your personal power when resisting peer pressure, accepting responsibility, overcoming a challenge? Sharing such moments leads a child to consider similar moments she should – or could – be proud of.
Reading books with little ones make for treasured story times. Next time your grandchild requests a story, though, share a personal tale from the heart instead of from a book. Such family narratives engage a grandchild far beyond just bedtime; they entertain and enlighten your grandchild for a lifetime.

Source: Grandparents.com, 6 Family Stories to Tell Your Grandchildren Again and Again, By Lisa Carpenter

Troubled or Normal?

While any negative behavior repeated over and over can be a sign of underlying trouble, it’s important for parents (and caretakers) to understand which behaviors are normal during adolescent development, and which can point to more serious problems. The chart below (from HelpGuide.com, Help for Troubled Teens) might help you sort it out.

When Typical Teen Behavior Becomes Troubled Teen Behavior
Typical Teen Behavior	Warning Signs of a Troubled Teen
Changing appearance. Keeping up with fashion is important to teens. That may mean wearing provocative or attention-seeking clothing or dyeing hair. Unless your teen wants tattoos, avoid criticizing and save your protests for the bigger issues. Fashions change, and so will your teen.	Changing appearance can be a red flag if it’s accompanied by problems at school or other negative changes in behavior, or if there’s evidence of cutting and self-harm or extreme weight loss or weight gain.
Increased arguments and rebellious behavior. As teens begin seeking independence, you will frequently butt heads and argue.	Constant escalation of arguments, violence at home, skipping school, getting in fights, and run-ins with the law are all red flag behaviors that go beyond the norm of teenage rebellion.
Mood swings. Hormones and developmental changes often mean that your teen will experience mood swings, irritable behavior, and struggle to manage his or her emotions.	Rapid changes in personality, falling grades, persistent sadness, anxiety, or sleep problems could indicate depression, bullying, or another emotional health issue. Take any talk about suicide seriously.
Experimenting with alcohol or drugs. Most teens will try alcohol and smoke a cigarette at some point. Many will even try marijuana. Talking to your kids frankly and openly about drugs and alcohol is one way to ensure it doesn’t progress further.	When alcohol or drug use becomes habitual, especially when it’s accompanied by problems at school or home, it may indicate a substance abuse issue or other underlying problems.
More influenced by friends than parents. Friends become extremely important to teens and can have a great influence on their choices. As teens focus more on their peers, that inevitably means they withdraw from you. It may leave you feeling hurt, but it doesn’t mean your teen doesn’t still need your love.	Red flags include a sudden change in peer group (especially if the new friends encourage negative behavior), refusing to comply with reasonable rules and boundaries, or avoiding the consequences of bad behavior by lying. Your teen spending too much time alone can also indicate problems.

Benefits of the Long-Term Grand Relationship

Grandparents and older grandchildren who have good relationships with each other are less likely to suffer from depression, according to a study presented at the American Sociological Associations 108th annual meeting.
Researchers from Boston College analyzed data from a long-term study called the Longitudinal Study of Generations. The study is a survey of US families consisting of three or four generations, compiled in seven sets of data between 1985 and 2004.
The researchers analyzed 376 grandparents and 340 grandchildren. The average grandparent was born in 1917, making them 77 years old at the midpoint of the study in 1994, while the average grandchild was born in 1963, making them 31 years old.
Sara Moorman, assistant professor in the Department of Sociology and the Institute of Aging at Boston College, said of the results:

"We found that an emotionally close grandparent-adult grandchild relationship was associated with fewer symptoms of depression for both generations.
The greater emotional support grandparents and adult grandchildren received from one another, the better their psychological health."

Source: MedicalNewsToday.com

How will your grandkids pay for college?

 By Veronica Majerol, grandparents.com

With higher-education costs far outpacing inflation, it's becoming harder for many families to see an answer. Scholarships — free money that can help defray the expense — can make the difference for some teens. But competition for that money can be fierce, especially in a deflated economy. Your college-bound grandchildren must capitalize on every resource available to them during their scholarship hunt. That's where you come in.

How You Can Help
"I'm a huge proponent of working with grandparents to get scholarships," says Kimberly Stezala, author of Scholarships 101: The Real-World Guide to Getting Cash for College (AMACOM). Who you are, what you've done, and where you've been can make a difference for your grandchildren in the race for college cash. Many universities, for example, offer scholarships to grandchildren of alumni. Ancestry-based organizations set aside scholarship funds for kids who share their ethnicity. The Order of Sons of Italy in America, for example, offers scholarships to candidates who have at least one Italian or Italian-American grandparent. And if you’ve served in the military, your grandchildren may be eligible for scholarships from groups like The American Legion, the Veterans of Foreign Wars, or others.

Update Your Résumé
A good first step is to brief your grandchildren on the extent of your associations by creating a grandparent résumé. Stezala advises making a list of all your past and present memberships and affiliations, as well as hobbies and interests, and specifics about your race and ethnicity going back several generations. Once you share this information with your grandchildren and their parents, you can all begin researching scholarship possibilities. Start with the major online databases, like fastweb.com and scholarships.com, and start early, Stezala says, preferably when your grandchildren are freshmen in high school.

Cast a Wide Net
Thousands of dollars in scholarships go unclaimed each year because people don't know about them. That's why researching, and keeping your eyes and ears open, are so important. Carol Cunningham, 83, of Rochester Hills, Mich., helped her grandson land a $2,000 college award last year through her employer, Avon. Cunningham made her first doorstep pitch for the cosmetic line nearly 37 years ago as a single mother, and she still sells its products. Though the Avon scholarship put only a modest dent in her grandson’s $27,000-a-year tuition at Westminster Choir College in Princeton, N.J., he won other scholarships for his singing talent, and the family believes every dollar helps. “I thought for all of the years I sold Avon products that the scholarship was a great payback,” Cunningham says.
Harry Culler, 74, and Georgia Culler, 72, grandparents of eight in Swanton, Ohio, have been members of the Elks National Foundation for 38 years and so they were well-positioned to help two of their grandchildren win Elks "legacy" scholarships of $1,000 each. (The foundation has since increased the award to $4,000.) But their connection was only one factor — the foundation also asks candidates to demonstrate four core values: knowledge, charity, community, and integrity. One of the couple's grandsons, for example, took a bus to Louisiana with his church youth group to hang drywall in homes destroyed by Hurricane Katrina, and his brother volunteered with burn victims at a local hospital. "Their grade-point averages were good, they play sports, and then there were the humanitarian things," Georgia says. "It all adds up."

Hands-on Help
Community service is a requirement for many scholarships, so volunteering alongside your grandchildren, starting when they're young, is a great way to position them for the competition — and to model strong values while spending time together. Scholarship applicants often have trouble distinguishing themselves from their peers because their experiences are nearly identical, Stezala says. "They've all played soccer for eight years, and they've all participated in a food drive at school.” But if your grandchildren have also volunteered with you for five years at a veterans' hospital, for example, their applications are more likely to stand out.

Realistic Expectations
Scholarships are great, but winning a prize that covers a student's entire tuition bill is unusual. In all, about one in 15 applicants wins a private-sector scholarship, averaging about $2,000 each, says Mark Kantrowitz, director of Advanced Projects for FastWeb. He advises families to plan for college expenses using the one-third rule: One third from savings, one third from loans, and one third from current income and student aid. In this formula, Stezala says, scholarships are "the wild card. You should not count on private scholarships to fully finance their education, although you sure can try.”

Your own high-school years may be long behind you but grandparents can win scholarships, too. Larry Meredith, 69, of Gunnison, Colo., has already started planning for the higher education of his grandchildren, ages 7 and 10. In addition to setting up 529 accounts for them, Meredith was a 2006 winner of the CollegeInvest Grandparent Scholarship Contest, administered by the Colorado Department of Higher Education, which invites grandparents to write essays describing their hopes and dreams for their grandchildren. CollegeInvest placed the $5,000 winnings in a savings plan, which Meredith divided equally between accounts for both of his grandkids. In his winning essay, he wrote, "May [they] live in a country that so values education that every qualified student will be able to attend the college of his or her choice without worrying about the cost."

New Family Board Games

WHAT'S It? for team of 2-6 players, ages 8+  - Flip the doodle card, flip the timer, then guess what the pre-printed doodle looks like.

Boom Boom Balloon for 2 or more players, ages 7+ - Players take turns carefully pushing sticks into the slots around the balloon until they click into place, watching as the balloon squishes and squeezes. The first player to pop the balloon is out.

Snake Oil for team of 3-10 players, ages 10+ -  And in this modern card game, players must convince a "customer" to buy the fake product they make up from combining word cards. Laughter erupts as each player attempts to persuade the other that their item is the best! The Customer picks his or her favorite item and that player is awarded the Customer Card. The player with the most Customer Cards wins.

Draw Something Party for team of 4 or more, ages 10+ - Based on the popular Draw Something app, this game is played on a double-sided, glowing drawing screen. Players draw clues, while their teammates shout out guesses -- correct guesses earn coins. If time runs out, the other team gets to guess.

Pass the Popcorn for team of 2 to 8, ages 12+ - Movie-guessing game featuring 250 of the biggest box office hits, award-winners, fan favorites, and film classics. Players are given a movie detail, and each player competes to turn over his or her tiles and name the movie before any other player. Bonus: The unique tile format eliminates the need for a gameboard, so the game can be played anywhere.

Never Have I Ever for team of 2 or more, ages 6+ -  To play, pick a card and read the Never Have I Ever statement aloud. Everyone answers with “I Have” or “Nope, Not Me.”  Players can keep track of who has done what, but most people just have fun talking and learning new things about each other.

Twisterz Story Starter for team of 2 or more, ages 2+ -  The curious child...made a discovery...and peeked inside...That's just one of 10,000 creative story introductions inspired by Twisterz Story Starter. Designed for shared use with young children and their caregivers, the tube consists of four twistable rings of story components -- simply line them up, and your story is off and running! Story Starter engages creativity and imagination, strengthens language skills, and builds better readers and writers!

grandparents.com

The Best "Smart Toys"

In the past, grandparents may have chosen toys based on their function or durability, but today many decide which toys to purchase based on their perceived educational value. After all, everyone wants to help make their grandchildren smarter, or at the very least, boost their cognitive, social, and emotional development.
Unfortunately, we often go about this in the worst possible ways. We seek out educational toys and so-called "edutainment" — media that purport to teach as they entertain — but much of it is sold under a misleading premise. Companies eager to capitalize on our hopes, fears, and worries dress up products in smart-sounding packages, with brand-names like "Brainy Baby," "IQ Baby," and "Baby Genius." Subtle, they're not. But while it may seem counterintuitive, grandparents can actually avoid electronic toys labeled with buzzwords like "interactive" when shopping for young children, because electronics on their own don't necessarily make a toy smarter or more interactive.

So-called "smart toys" are, for the most part, traditional toys souped up with computer chips that are supposed to "stimulate" kids. But here's the catch: Babies and young children don’t need that much stimulation. In fact, one could argue that in our attention-deficit-era, our grandchildren are already overstimulated into distraction. The truth is that the best kind of stimulation still comes from human beings, not electronics. Conversing, singing, touching, holding, and exploring beat a "Play-and-Learn Activity Table" any day. Many children today are squeezed into overstructured days even as toddlers. The best gift a grandparent can give them is unstructured playtime, preferably outdoors or around the child's neighborhood.
When you're toy shopping for your grandchildren, here’s a good rule of thumb: The best toys are 90 percent child and ten percent toy. It’s all about what a child does with a toy, not what the toy can do on its own. If a child stacks two plain wooden blocks, he is interacting with them, learning something about the physical properties of objects, and developing fine motor skills. No electronic, musical block can improve on that lesson. In other words, good toys don’t shout — there’s no need for them to make music, chime, buzz, ring, or burst into Mozart.

So you can pass on the Baby Einstein line without guilt — it has no proven pedagogical benefit. You can eject the Beethoven CD if you like; classical music is no better for a child's intellectual development than rock and roll is. And you can skip the infant computer software, too — the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends zero screen time, PC or TV, for kids younger than 2 years old. In fact, that plain old plastic truck will do just fine. Add a grandchild and an afternoon of free time, and you’ll be amazed at everything a child can do with it
.
Source: Make Your Grandchild Brilliant, grandparents.com

Homework!

Who among us is not a wee bit humbled by the questions on Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? So you may not know the homeland of walruses, but the good news is that you don’t have to be all-knowing to lend a helping homework hand to your grandkid. What you do need to be is clever enough to make it fun. If you can keep a sense of humor and a very thick skin (great protection against cranky students), you’ll soon be the go-to person when she’s stuck with math problems, an English essay or a paragraph to translate into Spanish.

“If it is something they have to memorize, make a TV show out of it,” suggests Sharla Feldscher, the Philadelphia-based author of the KIDFUN Activity Book. “Tell them, ‘Here’s your next question.’ Ring a bell when time’s up. Give a little reward, maybe a whole peanut, for every answer they get right.”
Consider turning social studies or English into a Jeopardy! game. Your grandchild has to give the right answer in the form of a question. When she gets a certain number right, she wins a small prize.
While reviewing for a test, kids tend to waste precious time going over what they already know. Increase productivity by making up flash cards with the material and dividing them into two stacks: those with facts the child knows and those with facts the child does not. Spend some time reviewing what she doesn’t know. Mix up the cards and divide the material into “knows” and “don’t knows.” Gradually, your grandchild will start to learn the new material, and the old material will be reinforced as well.
Even if math was never your strong suit in school, you can still help younger kids. For little ones who struggle with counting, make a game with something familiar. Count Cheerios, Goldfish crackers or grapes. Do math problems just for fun even when they’re not part of the assignment. For instance, talk about something the child loves, like ice cream. You might say, Mary has $5 and wants to buy an ice cream cone, which costs $1. How much change will she get back? What if she adds sprinkles, which cost an additional 50 cents?
Sometimes the best way to get a youngster to learn something is to have him explain it back to you after you’ve explained it first. Let him play teacher: Ask him to tell what he just learned to his dog, his student.
For many grandparents, the biggest challenge is understanding how the current mode of teaching has changed, says Amy Goyer, national coordinator for the AARP’s Grandparenting program. Then remind yourself that your role is to assist, not to teach your version. (And try not to grumble about your grandchild’s teachers!)
“Take a step back and realize that your job isn’t to do the homework, but to help your grandchild learn how to do it,” Goyer says. “The best thing to do is be positive, be patient and point out the child’s successes.”

Source: The Ultimate Grandparents Guide to Back to School, grandparents.com

When Reading Is a Struggle

Learning disability (LD) is an umbrella term for a variety of neurological disorders that affect the brain's ability to receive, process, store, and respond to information. Although the term has been around for decades, it remains confusing and controversial.

"The bottom line is that these kids may have trouble reading, listening, writing, spelling, and doing math, as well as recalling and organizing information," says Sally Shaywitz, M.D., co-director of the National Institute for Child and Human Development-Yale Center for the Study of Learning and Attention.

Shaywitz's team is one of several across the country that are honing in on the precise reasons for learning problems. "The field of neuroscience is exploding," says Dr. Shaywitz, author of Overcoming Dyslexia: A New and Science-Based Program for Overcoming Reading Problems at Any Level. Cutting-edge imaging techniques allow researchers to peer into the brain as a child tries to read. These scans indicate that reading deficiencies are directly linked to faulty wiring in the way the brain decodes written symbols.

"In order to learn to read, a child must develop an awareness that the spoken word is made up of smaller units of sounds, and that letters represent these sounds," she notes. "In children with reading disabilities, the brain circuitry needed to do that isn't functioning normally."

One in five public school children — some 10 million — struggle to read, according to the National Center for Learning Disabilities (NCLD) in New York City. Learning disabilities can range from mild to severe and, although they affect each person differently, most fall into two broad areas:

1. Reading and language problems, including dyslexia (difficulty decoding language) and dysgraphia (difficulties relating to handwriting, spelling, and composition).
2. Information processing disorders, including auditory or visual processing disorders. Despite normal vision and hearing, kids with these disorders have trouble with language development, reading, writing and mathematical ability.
   What's more, some children may have more than one learning difficulty.

About one-third of those with LD also have attention deficit disorder (ADD), with or without hyperactivity (ADHD), which makes it difficult for them to concentrate and focus on specific tasks. The common denominator: Each child shows a discrepancy between his overall intelligence and his ability to learn in one or more of the traditional ways.

"A learning disability as an island of weakness in a sea of strengths," says Sheldon Horowitz, Ed.D, president of the NCLD. "They can't be 'cured' and they're not outgrown. They can learn — they just have to follow a different path."

What's more, just because a child is slow to read doesn't mean he has a learning disability. "Every child progresses at a different pace and developmental lags are perfectly normal," says Sue Korn, M.S., a reading specialist in New York City. Still, early identification and intervention can be critical. "The earlier a problem is diagnosed, the faster a child can learn the specialized strategies and skills he needs to compensate for his difficulties," Korn adds.

 http://www.grandparents.com/grandkids/education-and-school/reading-roadblocks

Your Grandchild Doesn't Like to Read

Amy Mascott, founder of TeachMama, shares a few ideas on how to encourage reluctant readers in her article “What to Do When Your Child Hates Reading” on PBS Parents.  Among her ideas are these: start small and share reading.
Start small. Just because your grandchild likes to ride horses doesn’t mean she needs to start by reading The A-Z History of Horseback Riding; that may be intimidating—especially for a reluctant reader. Instead, consider watching a horse race with your grandchild. Talk about the jockeys, the scores, the owners and the trainers. The next day, read the box scores in the newspaper or watch a movie about horses, like Seabiscuit.  If the topic of interest doesn’t lend itself to watching a related program or movie, start small by finding a magazine or graphic novel at the library that relates to the subject. Reading doesn’t need to begin with a chapter book; many other texts and various genres can be worthwhile for these readers.
Practice shared reading. Shared reading or reading as a collective experience could entail taking turns reading pages, sections or chapters, or you and your grandchild silently reading the same book. Shared reading can vary depending on your grandchild’s age and needs. For the ideal shared reading experience, choose texts that are rich, engaging and sure to lead to discussion. Part of the “sharing” in shared reading involves talking about the book.

Source: "Your Grandchild Doesn't Like to Read," grandparents.com

Is Your Grandchild Gifted?

Verbal ability is often the most obvious sign of a gifted child, says Jill Adrian, director of family services at the Davidson Institute for Talent Development in Reno, Nev., but other indicators include:

• insatiable curiosity
• an ability to learn and process information rapidly
• an unusually good memory
• quick wit and an advanced sense of humor
• longer attention span
• increased intensity or sensitivity
• a high concern for morality and justice

Source, "Is Your Grandchild Gifted?", grandparents.com

Balancing Academics and Serious Illness

When your child/grandchild has a serious or chronic illness, it's hard to think beyond the next treatment. While health is the first priority, education also is important. You'll want to help your child stay on top of schoolwork as much as possible and plan for when he or she can return to school.

Not only does staying connected to school bring academic, cognitive, psychological, and social benefits — it's also your child's legal right. Under federal law, kids with chronic or life threatening illness and/or disabilities are entitled to educational support, and your child might qualify for free services under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). If your child attends private or parochial school, you might consider enrolling him or her in your local district, as services are more readily available than in the private sector.

With a little planning and a lot of communication, you can help your child balance treatment and academics.

Plan Ahead

First, talk to your doctor about how long your child is likely to be away from school and whether the treatment might interfere with concentrating, doing homework, and meeting deadlines. Are there side effects that might have an academic impact? What does your doctor recommend when it comes to attendance, tutoring, or studying?

Then talk to the teachers and school staff, and encourage your child, if well enough, to do the same. It may be necessary to set a reduced schedule or shift due dates for papers and tests. With your help, your son or daughter can work with teachers to help plan the workload. The more notice teachers have, the easier it will be to come up with a flexible solution.

Some kids who spend a lot of time away from school or in the hospital have Individual Education Plans (IEPs). These are customized goals and learning strategies created by the teachers, school psychologists (or other specialists), and counselors.

IEPs take a child's individual needs into account. Under the IDEA, kids who qualify for an IEP will receive one at no cost, in addition to receiving free support services (such as a tutor) to help them reach educational milestones.

Your child may also be entitled to a 504 Plan, which will specify physical accommodations necessary to help him or her navigate school grounds, access classrooms and bathrooms, acquire an aide, or qualify for special transportation.

IEPs and 504 Plans can be requested by you or anyone on your child's education team.

Seek Out Hospital-Based Support

If your child will be spending long stretches in the hospital, ask a doctor, nurse, social worker, or child-life specialist about onsite schooling. Many hospitals provide hospital/homebound instruction free of charge to their patients.

The two most common types of educational support include bedside schooling and classroom schooling. Typically, bedside schooling is for children who are too ill to leave their hospital rooms or have weakened immune systems due to chemotherapy. Other kids who are well enough might be educated individually or in small groups in an onsite hospital classroom.

Licensed teachers who are K-12-certified in a variety of subjects and special education work intensively with students to make sure that they don't fall behind in their studies. To stay on track, hospital-based teachers work closely with teachers from a child's school to maintain curriculum continuity, create IEPs and 504 Plans, arrange for homebound instruction upon discharge, and ease reentry into the classroom when the child is well again. School is scheduled around medical tests and therapies, and always takes a child's medical condition and strength into consideration.

Whether your child is being educated at school, in the hospital, or at home, remember that getting better is the main priority. So be realistic about what he or she can handle. Kids may feel an unspoken pressure from parents, teachers, and themselves to continue with schoolwork, and this anxiety could hurt their recovery.

Stay Connected

Maintaining ties with classmates and teachers can help your child retain a sense of normalcy during this difficult time. Your child might even be able to Skype into a lesson at school over the computer. Programs nationwide offer free or low-cost laptops for use in the hospital. Check with your social worker, hospital school program, or the hospital IT department to see if this service is available to you.

In addition to academic isolation, your child may feel cut off socially from friends and classmates. Online social networking sites, email, instant messaging (IM), text messaging, and talking on the phone can help kids stay connected. Also ask teachers to encourage a letter-writing, email, or care package campaign from classmates — you might even set up a collection box at school where teachers and classmates can deposit notes and pictures.

Arrange for visits from your child's friends and, if the doctor says it's OK and your son or daughter is up to it, encourage him or her to attend school plays, sports events, classroom parties, and other social gatherings.

Staying connected will make for a smoother transition socially and academically when your child returns to school after treatment.

This information was provided by Willis-Knighton Health System. For more medically reviewed health information written for parents, kids, and teens visit <www.wkhs.com>. ©2008 The Nemours Foundation/KidsHealth. Used under license.

 

Are You Parenting/Grandparenting a Troubled Teen?

Parenting a teenager is never easy, but when your teen is violent, depressed, abusing alcohol or drugs, or engaging in other reckless behaviors, it can seem overwhelming. You may feel exhausted from lying awake at night worrying about where your child is, who he or she is with, and what they're doing. You may despair over failed attempts to communicate, the endless fights, and the open defiance. Or you may live in fear of your teen's violent mood swings and explosive anger. While parenting a troubled teen can often seem like an impossible task, there are steps you can take to ease the chaos at home and help your teen transition into a happy, successful young adult.

Normal Teen vs. Troubled Teen Behavior

As teenagers begin to assert their independence and find their own identity, many experience behavioral changes that can seem bizarre and unpredictable to parents. Your sweet, obedient child who once couldn’t bear to be separated from you now won’t be seen within 20 yards of you, and greets everything you say with a roll of the eyes or the slam of a door. These, unfortunately, are the actions of a normal teenager.
As the parent of a troubled teen, you’re faced with even greater challenges. A troubled teen faces behavioral, emotional, or learning problems beyond the normal teenage issues. They may repeatedly practice at-risk behaviors such as violence, skipping school, drinking, drug use, sex, self-harming, shoplifting, or other criminal acts. Or they may exhibit symptoms of mental health problems like depression, anxiety, or eating disorders. While any negative behavior repeated over and over can be a sign of underlying trouble, it’s important for parents to understand which behaviors are normal during adolescent development, and which can point to more serious problems.

When Typical Teen Behavior Becomes Troubled Teen Behavior
Typical Teen Behavior	Warning Signs of a Troubled Teen
Changing appearance. Keeping up with fashion is important to teens. That may mean wearing provocative or attention-seeking clothing or dyeing hair. Unless your teen wants tattoos, avoid criticizing and save your protests for the bigger issues. Fashions change, and so will your teen.	Changing appearance can be a red flag if it’s accompanied by problems at school or other negative changes in behavior, or if there’s evidence of cutting and self-harm or extreme weight loss or weight gain.
Increased arguments and rebellious behavior. As teens begin seeking independence, you will frequently butt heads and argue.	Constant escalation of arguments, violence at home, skipping school, getting in fights, and run-ins with the law are all red flag behaviors that go beyond the norm of teenage rebellion.
Mood swings. Hormones and developmental changes often mean that your teen will experience mood swings, irritable behavior, and struggle to manage his or her emotions.	Rapid changes in personality, falling grades, persistent sadness, anxiety, or sleep problems could indicate depression, bullying, or another emotional health issue. Take any talk about suicide seriously.
Experimenting with alcohol or drugs. Most teens will try alcohol and smoke a cigarette at some point. Many will even try marijuana. Talking to your kids frankly and openly about drugs and alcohol is one way to ensure it doesn’t progress further.	When alcohol or drug use becomes habitual, especially when it’s accompanied by problems at school or home, it may indicate a substance abuse issue or other underlying problems.
More influenced by friends than parents. Friends become extremely important to teens and can have a great influence on their choices. As teens focus more on their peers, that inevitably means they withdraw from you. It may leave you feeling hurt, but it doesn’t mean your teen doesn’t still need your love.	Red flags include a sudden change in peer group (especially if the new friends encourage negative behavior), refusing to comply with reasonable rules and boundaries, or avoiding the consequences of bad behavior by lying. Your teen spending too much time alone can also indicate problems.

Source: HelpGuide.org, Help for Parents of Troubled Teens