Developing Attachment Relationships

Understanding how children form relationships with others is important in helping children learn to communicate and behave. The following list describes the usual path children take when developing attachment relationships.

 

1. Pre-attachment

• Birth to 6 weeks
• Babies are in close contact with caregivers
• Caregivers meet babies' needs for food and comfort
• Most babies do not get upset when left with a stranger

2. Attachment in the making

• 6 weeks to 6-8 months
• Children begin to respond to attachment figures in special ways (for example, a baby may calm down more easily for his mother than he would for another person)
• Late in this phase, children express distress with strange people and objects; they may cry or fuss if a stranger tries to hold them for the first time.

3. Clear-cut attachment

• 6-8 months to 18-24 months
• Nearly all children have formed an attachment relationship by this time
• Children show great distress when their caregiver leaves. A child may cry or have a tantrum when her mom leaves for work or when left with a babysitter.
• Children find a sense of security from caregivers who respond with understanding, openness, and love

4. Reciprocal relationships

• 18-24 months and older
• If they have learned to expect comfort, safety, and love, children feel secure when the caregiver is gone for a short period of time
• If the caregiver is gone for long periods of time, children become very unhappy
• Children form other relationships based on these early relationships

Questions to ask yourself...

• What was your relationship with your grandchild prior to the present living arrangement? How would you describe your relationship now?
• What does the child know about the situation ( ex. where his or her parents are)? How has it been explained?
• Is this a temporary or permanent change for the child? If temporary, how long will it last?
• How are you feeling about parenting your grandchild? Do you have someone you can talk to about your feelings?

 

 Reference: Bowllby,J.Attachment and Loss. 3 vols. New York:Basic Books, 1969-1980)

Authors:

Julie Poehlmann, Ph. D.Assistant Professor Human Development and Family Studies, Waisman Center, University of Wisconsin-Madison

Mary Brintnall-Peterson, Ph. D. Professor, Family Living Programs, University of Wisconsin–Extension

Rebecca Shlafer Research InternHuman Development and Family Studies, University of Wisconsin-Madison

Kari Morgan, Ph. D Former Program Specialist Family Living Programs, University of Wisconsin Extension