Kinship Foster Care

Kinship foster care for grandparents raising grandchildren

When a child has been removed from his or her parent’s home by the state, grandparents have another temporary custody option: kinship foster care.
Here are some important issues to consider in kinship foster care:

• In kinship foster care, you do not have legal custody of the grandchild. This means that although you can take care of your grandchild’s day-to-day needs, you can’t make any major decisions without first obtaining consent from the agency that acts for the state.
• Kinship foster care is not permanent. It is considered temporary custody. The goal is for the child to be placed in a permanent home. While you may be working towards the child to be permanently placed with you, the final decision is with the state agency that placed the child.

Formal vs. informal kinship foster care

Kinship foster care arrangements can be formal or informal. In a formal kinship foster care arrangement, grandparents can receive the same payments that foster parents receive, which can be helpful in managing costs. However, the state agency holds you to the same standards as other foster parents, which can mean trainings, home visits, and evaluations.
Some grandparents prefer informal arrangements for this reason. In informal arrangements, the state places the child with you and then steps out of the picture. You don’t have to worry about further interference or oversight. The trade off is that you won’t receive monthly financial assistance.
If neither option seems ideal, you may want to check if your state has subsidized guardianships. Subsidized guardianships give grandparents more legal rights over the grandchildren in their care while also offering some payment.


Source: SeniorLAW Center
From HelpGuide.com - a trusted non-profit

Temporary Custody

Temporary physical custody for grandparents raising grandchildren

If you have physical custody, without a court order, you have no legal rights to make decisions for your grandchildren about health care and school enrollment. You also can’t make legal arrangements for someone else to take care of your grandkids should something happen to you.
Establishing a legal custody or guardianship arrangement will give you the most legal rights. But if you’re hesitant to get the courts involved, there are several alternatives to consider. They can be especially helpful and simple when there is a cooperative relationship between the child's parents and grandparents.

Power of attorney

If your grandchild’s parent or parents are willing, they can create a power of attorney that gives you temporary authority to make specific decisions for their child. Once power of attorney is signed over, you have whatever legal rights are specified in the document. For example, you might be given legal authority to seek medical care for your grandchild or register him or her in school.
The power of attorney does not remove a parent’s legal rights, and the parent can revoke it at any time. You will want to check what provisions there are in your state for power of attorney.

Medical and educational consent laws

Some states also have consent laws that make it possible for grandparents to make medical and school decisions for their grandchildren without going to court.

• Educational consent laws, or open enrollment law, allow grandparents or other adults who are raising a child without legal custody to enroll that child in public school.
• Medical consent laws allow a parent to authorize another adult to consent to medical, dental, and mental health care for their children and obtain access to health records.

How Do Caregivers Get Medical Consent?

The parent or legal caregiver giving the authorization may complete a medical consent form, available from many local organizations, or simply write a statement.  The form or statement must contain the following:

• identity of the caregiver
• the names and dates of birth of the children at issue
• a description of the medical treatments for which authorization is given
• a statement that there are no court orders in effect which would prohibit the authorization
• the signatures of the parent, legal guardian, or custodian, in the presence of two witnesses.  (The caregiver receiving the consent cannot be one of the witnesses signing.)

Source: SeniorLAW Center
HelpGuide.org - A trusted non-profit

Legal Issues for Grandparents

Legal issues for grandparents raising grandchildren

When you were making your decision to raise your grandchild or grandchildren, you probably didn’t think too much about the legal implications. But if your grandchildren live with you for any length of time, It’s important that you understand the laws that affect grandparents raising grandchildren.
For example, are you authorized to register your grandchild at school? Can you make medical decisions for them? Get them health insurance? Who is legally obligated to pay for clothes and other necessities for the children—and are there programs available to help?
Just because you’ve taken in your grandchild doesn’t mean you have legal rights to make decisions for that child. Unless you’ve taken steps to secure a legal caregiving relationship with your grandchildren, you may have trouble enrolling the children in school, authorizing medical treatment, and getting financial assistance and health insurance. It’s important to discuss the legal issues with your grandchildren’s parents, if at all possible, and try to agree on how to move forward.

What type of legal issues will affect my grandchild and me?

Unfortunately, there is no simple answer to this question. It will depend on the needs of your family. Especially in options such as legal custody and guardianship, the parameters can vary from state to state. It's essential to seek some legal help to ensure you are going in the right direction for your family. Questions to consider include:

• Safety. Have the children been removed because the parents were unfit? Are you worried the parents might want the child back and not give him or her the proper care? This may also mean getting Child Protective Services or the police involved if there is a safety risk.
• Permanency. If the stability and safety of the grandchildren are threatened, you may want to investigate legal protections to ensure they stay in a safe environment. In some cases, that may mean asking for more permanent responsibility and decision making for the grandchildren.
• Visitation. Which choice gives the parents ability to visit or request custody of their child? Are the parents interested in visiting? Is that best for the children?
• Cost and time. Which choice requires more time in court or is more involved?
• Finances and health. Make sure you understand how the choice would affect a grandchild's health insurance coverage or cash benefits.

From HelpGuide.com - a trusted non-profit

Tip of the Day

Raising grandchildren tip 6: Encourage contact with parents

It is not always possible for children to remain in contact with their parents, and at times, it may not be in a child’s best interest. But in general, it is good for your grandchildren to maintain relationships with their parents, especially if they may live with them again. If meeting in person isn’t possible, you can encourage contact in other ways, including phone calls, cards and letters, and email.

Making visits with parents as smooth as possible

• Don’t put your grandchild in the middle. Try to set aside any feelings of anger or disappointment you have toward your grandchild’s parent. Avoid venting issues or saying critical things about the parent in front of your grandchild. And don’t make your grandchild feel guilty about spending time with their parent. This can be confusing and distressing for the child.
• Communicate and cooperate with your grandchild’s parent. Do what you can to smooth the relationship and make the parent feel a part of the child’s life. Share information about the child’s school, hobbies, and friends. Make sure the parent has the child’s schedule and contact information.
• Make visits part of your grandchild's routine. Contact with parents will be less stressful for children if they know what to expect. If possible, plan visits well in advance and put them on a regular schedule. Talk with the parent ahead of time, so everyone’s expectations for the visit are clear. It’s best if both parents and grandparents enforce the same rules.
• Be sensitive to your grandchild’s feelings. It’s important to talk with your grandchild about he or she feels about parental contact. Even when kids are looking forward to a visit or call, it can bring up many feelings, including uncertainty and nervousness. Kids may worry that their parent doesn’t love them anymore, or that they won’t have anything to talk about. Be there to reassure them.
• Help your grandchild deal with disappointment. Sometimes, visits don’t go well or the parent doesn’t show up. Vent to a friend if you need to, but avoid the temptation to say angry or hurtful things about the parent in front of your grandchild, as this won’t make him or her feel better. Instead, talk with your grandchild about what happened and how they feel about it.

From HelpGuide.org - A trusted non-profit

Tip of the Day

Raising grandchildren tip 5: Encourage open and honest communication

Communicating openly and honestly with your grandchildren is one of the best things you can do to help them cope with their new situation. It’s especially important to take the time to really listen to your grandkids. In this difficult time, they need an adult they can go to with their questions, concerns, and feelings.

• Plan regular times when you sit and talk to each other, free from TV, games, or other distractions.
• Encourage your grandchildren to talk about their feelings, both good and bad. Try to listen without judging or dismissing their feelings.
• Help your grandkids learn to identify their emotions. For example, if your grandchild seems upset, you might say, “You look sad. Is something bothering you?”  
• Young children communicate through play. Young children may not be able to verbalize how they feel, but will express themselves through their play.
• It’s okay to say, “I don’t know.” You don’t have to have an answer for everything. If you don’t know when mommy’s coming home, for example, be honest about it. Don’t evade the question or lie.

How much should you tell young grandchildren?

When deciding what to tell your grandchildren about the situation, it’s important to consider their age and developmental skills. The following tips may help:

• Avoid telling the child too much. Many children are simply too young to understand the whole story. When grandparents tell a young child all of the details of the situation, they may be doing more harm than good. Too much information can be confusing, scary, and overwhelming for the child.
• Avoid telling the child too little or nothing at all. Kids are smart. They will pick up tidbits about their situation, even if the details are not discussed directly. If children learn about what’s going on from someone else, they could feel hurt, deceived, and confused. They may avoid asking you questions or talking to you about other important concerns because they think certain topics are “off limits.”
• Never twist the facts or lie to the child. Even very young children know the difference between the truth and a lie. They often piece together information, but then are afraid to talk about the truth. Some people may twist the facts in an effort to protect the child. But that approach often backfires. When children are told untruths about the situation, they may become very confused, angry, and hurt. The best strategy is to be honest with your grandchildren, at their level of understanding. Your grandchildren will learn the importance of trust and honesty in relationships.

Source: Grandparents Raising Grandchildren, University of Wisconsin-Extension

Tip of the Day

Raising grandchildren tip 4: Focus on creating a stable environment

While it will take your grandkids time to adjust to their new living arrangement, there are things you can do to make the transition easier. Above all, your grandchildren need to feel secure. Children thrive in an environment that is stable and predictable.

• Establish a routine. Routines and schedules help make a child’s world feel safe. Set a schedule for mealtimes and bedtimes. Create special rituals that you and your grandchildren can share on weekends or when getting ready for bed.
• Encourage their input in their new home. Let your grandkids help pack and move in their things to the extent that they’re able for their age. Encourage them to decorate their new room and arrange things as they’d like. Having some control will make the adjustment easier.
• Set up clear, age-appropriate house rules and enforce them consistently. Children feel more secure when they know what to expect. Loving boundaries tell the child he or she is safe and protected.
• Make sure that each grandchild has a private space. If grandchildren are sharing a bedroom, get creative: use a divider to partition off a private area in a bigger room, erect a playhouse in the backyard, or set up a tent in the family room.
• Offer your time and attention. You can be a consistent, reassuring presence for your grandkids. Try to make time to interact with them at the beginning of the day, when they come home from school, and before bed 

From HelpGuide.org - A trusted non-profit.

Tip of the Day

Raising grandchildren tip 3: Your grandkids will have mixed feelings too

Moving to a new home is never easy, even in the best of circumstances. When children are dealing with the loss of regular contact with their parent or parents, the move is even harder. It will take some time for your grandchildren to adjust, and in the meantime, they may act especially contrary and difficult. And if the children have suffered from emotional neglect, trauma, or abuse, those wounds will not disappear just because they are now in a safe place. They will need time to heal.

• Your grandkids may resent being separated from their parent and wish to return, even if their home situation was dangerous or abusive. Don’t take this personally. The parent-child bond is powerful. Even if the children are old enough to understand that they’re better off with you, they will still miss their parent and struggle with feelings of abandonment.
• Your grandkids’ feelings may come out in many ways, including behavior. They may lash out with aggressive or inappropriate behavior, or they may withdraw and push you away.
• No matter their behavior, your grandkids need your comfort and support. If you start to get angry or upset, put yourself in their head. Picture what they’ve been through, and the confusion, mistrust, and fear they’re probably feeling.
• Remember that children often act out in a safe place. While it may feel like your grandchildren don't love or appreciate you sometimes, their behavior actually means they feel safe enough to express frightening emotions.
• When grandkids first arrive, they may be on their best behavior. Don’t be too discouraged if, after a brief “honeymoon” phase, they start to act out. This doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doing a bad job. As mentioned previously, this can be a sign that they finally feel secure enough to vent their true feelings. 

From HelpGuide.org - a trusted non-profit.

Tip of the Day

Raising grandchildren tip 2: Take care of yourself

You probably weren’t expecting to be raising kids again at this stage in your life. At times, the physical, emotional, and financial demands may feel overwhelming. That’s why it’s vitally important that you take care of yourself and get the support you need.
When you’re preoccupied with the daily demands of raising grandkids, it’s easy to let your own needs fall by the wayside. But taking care of yourself is a necessity, not a luxury. You can’t be a good caretaker when you’re overwhelmed, exhausted, and emotionally depleted. In order to keep up with your grandkids, you need to be calm, centered, and focused. Looking after your own mental and physical health is how you get there.

• A healthy you means healthy grandchildren. If you don't take care of your health, you won't be able to take care of your grandchildren, either. Make it a priority to eat nutritious meals, exercise regularly, and get adequate sleep. Don't let doctor's appointments or medication refills slide.
• Hobbies and relaxation are not luxuries. Carving out time for rest and relaxation is essential to avoid burnout and depression. Use your “me time to really nurture yourself. Choose activities that indulge your senses. Zoning out in front of the TV won’t revive you.
• It’s okay to lean on your grandkids for help. Kids are smarter and more capable than we often give them credit for. Even young children can pick up after themselves and help out around the house. Helping out will also make your grandkids feel good.

Support makes all the difference

Studies show that grandparents who cope well with the added stress of raising grandchildren are those who seek out others for support.

• Find someone you can talk to about what you’re going through. This will give you a chance to work through your feelings and come to an acceptance of the situation. If you deny or ignore these feelings, they will come out in other ways and may affect your relationship with your grandkids.
• Look for support groups for grandparents raising grandchildren. Support groups or even phone support can be very helpful in this journey, and it's a good start for making friends in similar situations. Hearing from people who have been there can help both uplift your spirits and give you concrete suggestions for your situation.
• Reach out in your community for childcare help. If you are a member of a church, synagogue or other religious organization, you may be able to ask around for available babysitters. Try library storytime hours, chatting up other parents at the playground, or seeing if your neighbors have a reliable teen available to babysit or if any parents are interested in a babysitting swap.
• Connect with parents with children. Even if you feel like you are from a different generation, the joys and tribulations of raising children can quickly form common bonds. It may take time, but forging friendships with parents with similar aged children can offer camaraderie and help on navigating the maze of issues facing children today.

From HelpGuide.org - A trusted non-profit

Tip of the Day - Acknowledge your feelings

Raising grandchildren tip 1: Acknowledge your feelings

The prospect of raising grandchildren is bound to trigger a range of emotions. Positive emotions, like the love you feel for your grandchildren, the joy in seeing them learn and grow, and relief at giving them a stable environment, are easy to acknowledge. It’s more difficult to admit to feelings such as resentment, guilt, or fear.
It’s important to acknowledge and accept what you’re feeling, both good and bad. Don’t beat yourself up over your doubts and misgivings. It’s only natural to feel some ambivalence about childrearing at a time when you expected your responsibilities to be dwindling. These feelings don’t mean that you don’t love your grandchildren.

What you may feel

• Stress and worry – If you've been used to the occasional visit from a grandchild, being back in the saddle full time can feel stressful and overwhelming. You may worry about how you will handle the additional responsibilities and what will happen to the grandkids if something happens to you.
• Anger or resentment – You may feel anger or resentment toward the grandchild’s parents for leaving you with the responsibility of caring for their child. Or you might be resentful of other friends who are enjoying the retirement you once envisioned.
• Guilt – You may feel guilty and responsible for your child’s failures as a parent, second-guessing and regretting your own mistakes when you were first parenting.
• Grief – There are many losses that come with taking in your grandkids, including the loss of your independence and the easier role of “grandparent,” rather than the primary caregiver. You may also be grieving for your child and the difficulties that have led to this situation.

When you start to feel overwhelmed…

Remember that while you may not have the energy you did when you were younger, you do have the wisdom that only comes with experience—an advantage that can make a huge difference in your grandchild’s life. Unlike first-time parents, you’ve done this before and learned from your mistakes. Don’t underestimate what you have to offer!

From  Help Guide.com - A trusted non-profit resource

Grandparents as Parents

Grandparents are an important resource for both parents and children. They routinely provide child care, financial assistance and emotional support.  Occasionally they are called upon to provide much more including temporary or full time care and responsibility for their grandchildren.

An increasing number of children in the United States live in households headed by a grandparent.  This trend is due to:

• increasing numbers of single parent families
• the high rate of divorce
• teenage pregnancies
• incarcerations of parents
• substance abuse by parents
• illness, disability or death of parents
• parental abuse or neglect

In many of these homes, neither of the child's biological parents is present. In most cases, children taken care of by grandparents move in with them as infants or preschoolers and remain with them for five years or more. These grandparents are a diverse group ranging in ages from their thirties to their seventies.  Many grandparents are ready to simplify their lives and slow down.  Giving that  up and taking over the responsibilities of being a primary caregiver again can stir up many feelings including grief, anger, loss, resentment and possibly guilt.  The transition can be very stressful and the emotional and financial burdens can be significant.  Culture shock at having to deal with children and adolescents of a different generation can be great. Grandparent headed households have a significantly higher poverty rate than other kinds of family units.

Many grandparents in this care taking role underestimate or are unaware of the added burdens their new role as "parents" will place upon them. Grandparents often assume their role will be to nurture and reward children without having to set limits.  When grandparents serve as primary caregivers, however, they must learn to set limits and establish controls as they did with their own children. 

Many children living with grandparents arrive with preexisting problems or risk factors including abuse, neglect, prenatal exposure to drugs and alcohol, or loss of parents (due to death, abandonment or incarceration).  This situation can create risks for both children and grandparents. Caring for your grandchild can also be very positive and rewarding. Grandparents bring the benefit of experience and perspective.  They can also provide important stability and predictability for their grandchildren.

It is very important for grandparents to receive support and assistance.  Seeking out other family members, clergy, support groups and social agencies can be helpful.  The Grandparents Information Center (sponsored by the American Association of Retired Persons) is a good place to get information, referrals and support.  Financial aid may be available especially if the child was abandoned, neglected or abused.  Mental health professionals including child and adolescent psychiatrists, community mental health centers, child welfare agencies and parent-teacher associations are other important resources for the grandparents.

Child and adolescent psychiatrists recognize the important role many grandparents play in raising  their grandchildren.  The better grandparents are able to meet their own needs, the better they can care for their grandchildren.

Article from American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry

For additional information see Facts for Families:
#1 Children and Divorce
#15 The Adopted Child
#64 Foster Care
#74 Advocating for Your Child

 

 

Are you raising your grandchildren?

Today millions of grandparents in the US are raising their grandchildren. If you are one of these grandparents, you have made numerous sacrifices, possibly your own retirement plans. You may be looking for support and resources, but can't fit Support Group attendance into your busy schedule of diapers, daycare, teacher conferences, etc.  Join Parent Services Center and friends on our newly formed Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Blog Spot. We want to share information, resources and support one another. Give us your comments, please.