Tip of the Day

Raising grandchildren tip 5: Encourage open and honest communication

Communicating openly and honestly with your grandchildren is one of the best things you can do to help them cope with their new situation. It’s especially important to take the time to really listen to your grandkids. In this difficult time, they need an adult they can go to with their questions, concerns, and feelings.

• Plan regular times when you sit and talk to each other, free from TV, games, or other distractions.
• Encourage your grandchildren to talk about their feelings, both good and bad. Try to listen without judging or dismissing their feelings.
• Help your grandkids learn to identify their emotions. For example, if your grandchild seems upset, you might say, “You look sad. Is something bothering you?”  
• Young children communicate through play. Young children may not be able to verbalize how they feel, but will express themselves through their play.
• It’s okay to say, “I don’t know.” You don’t have to have an answer for everything. If you don’t know when mommy’s coming home, for example, be honest about it. Don’t evade the question or lie.

How much should you tell young grandchildren?

When deciding what to tell your grandchildren about the situation, it’s important to consider their age and developmental skills. The following tips may help:

• Avoid telling the child too much. Many children are simply too young to understand the whole story. When grandparents tell a young child all of the details of the situation, they may be doing more harm than good. Too much information can be confusing, scary, and overwhelming for the child.
• Avoid telling the child too little or nothing at all. Kids are smart. They will pick up tidbits about their situation, even if the details are not discussed directly. If children learn about what’s going on from someone else, they could feel hurt, deceived, and confused. They may avoid asking you questions or talking to you about other important concerns because they think certain topics are “off limits.”
• Never twist the facts or lie to the child. Even very young children know the difference between the truth and a lie. They often piece together information, but then are afraid to talk about the truth. Some people may twist the facts in an effort to protect the child. But that approach often backfires. When children are told untruths about the situation, they may become very confused, angry, and hurt. The best strategy is to be honest with your grandchildren, at their level of understanding. Your grandchildren will learn the importance of trust and honesty in relationships.

Source: Grandparents Raising Grandchildren, University of Wisconsin-Extension