Tip of the Day

Raising grandchildren tip 6: Encourage contact with parents

It is not always possible for children to remain in contact with their parents, and at times, it may not be in a child’s best interest. But in general, it is good for your grandchildren to maintain relationships with their parents, especially if they may live with them again. If meeting in person isn’t possible, you can encourage contact in other ways, including phone calls, cards and letters, and email.

Making visits with parents as smooth as possible

• Don’t put your grandchild in the middle. Try to set aside any feelings of anger or disappointment you have toward your grandchild’s parent. Avoid venting issues or saying critical things about the parent in front of your grandchild. And don’t make your grandchild feel guilty about spending time with their parent. This can be confusing and distressing for the child.
• Communicate and cooperate with your grandchild’s parent. Do what you can to smooth the relationship and make the parent feel a part of the child’s life. Share information about the child’s school, hobbies, and friends. Make sure the parent has the child’s schedule and contact information.
• Make visits part of your grandchild's routine. Contact with parents will be less stressful for children if they know what to expect. If possible, plan visits well in advance and put them on a regular schedule. Talk with the parent ahead of time, so everyone’s expectations for the visit are clear. It’s best if both parents and grandparents enforce the same rules.
• Be sensitive to your grandchild’s feelings. It’s important to talk with your grandchild about he or she feels about parental contact. Even when kids are looking forward to a visit or call, it can bring up many feelings, including uncertainty and nervousness. Kids may worry that their parent doesn’t love them anymore, or that they won’t have anything to talk about. Be there to reassure them.
• Help your grandchild deal with disappointment. Sometimes, visits don’t go well or the parent doesn’t show up. Vent to a friend if you need to, but avoid the temptation to say angry or hurtful things about the parent in front of your grandchild, as this won’t make him or her feel better. Instead, talk with your grandchild about what happened and how they feel about it.

From HelpGuide.org - A trusted non-profit