Behaviors as communication: What is your grandchild trying to tell you?

Young children often do not have the language skills to clearly put words to their thoughts and feelings. You'll have to take clues from their behavior to try to understand what they're trying to communicate.

Sometimes, children act out to get attention because they feel sad or neglected. Other times, children withdraw from the environment and ignore special people in their lives. This does not mean they don't care about those people. Sometimes children act in certain ways because they don't know any other way to express themselves.

Understanding your grandchild's behaviors may be easy. It's not as simple as "If my grandchild does X, he's feeling Y." Children (and adults) are not that straightforward. One behavior can express a number of different things. Understanding the child and the stuation can help you figure out what the behaviors mean.

The source of a child's behaviors can depend on a lot of different things. Understanding these factors is important. It is one key to helping you understand what your grandchildren are saying when they behave in ways that are confusing or troublesome.

Factors within the child:

• age
• developmental level (especially language skills)
• child's temperament (is the child usually busy, calm, fussy, or pleasant?)
• gender
• physical well-being (is the child hungry, tired, or sick?)
• emotional well-being (is the child stressed or depressed?)

Factors within the family:

• quality of family relationships
• communication styles in the family
• time spent together
• what has the child been told about the situation?
• what does the child know about the situation?

Factors within the situation:

• how recent are the changes in the child's life?
• school environment
• quality of friendships
• neighborhood factors
• grandparents' job
• other stressors and supports

Credits

Authors

Julie Poehlmann, Ph. D.

Assistant Professor

Human Development and Family

Studies

Waisman Center

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Mary Brintnall-Peterson, Ph. D.

Professor, Family Living Programs

University of Wisconsin–Extension

Rebecca Shlafer

Research Intern

Human Development and Family

Studies

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Kari Morgan, Ph. D.

Former Program Specialist

Family Living Programs

University of Wisconsin Extension