Road Trip Boredom Busters

Taking a road trip over Spring Break? The family road trip can be a time to bond and learn about each other's interests and points of view — or an ordeal that makes you want to scream every time you hear "Are we there yet?" from your kids.

A road trip can be a fun, educational, and sane experience with just a little planning, creativity, and preparation. Sure, electronic games, apps, and portable DVD players are great distractions. But don't overlook these family-friendly games and activities that can keep everyone happy as the miles go by.

Can-Do Cards

Don't underestimate the power of a deck of cards. It presents endless possibilities for all ages and can provide hours of entertainment and concentration. If your kids are sick of the standard Go Fish, Crazy Eights, and Rummy games, buy — or borrow from your local library — a kids' card games book for new ideas. Or buy a deck of quiz or trivia cards to keep their brains busy.

Contest Craze

Hold an official family spelling bee or trivia contest using index cards to write down words or questions. Winners can earn trinkets, stickers, activity or coloring books, trading cards, food treats, money (the younger the child, the smaller the amount), or extra minutes of hotel pool time or stay-up-late time.

Good Ol' Games

Use the fallback road-trip games — 20 Questions, the License Plate Game, and I Spy.

Try the Alphabet Game. Pick a topic (for instance, animals) and a letter (A), then have everyone name animals that begin with that letter, like aardvark, antelope, ape. The best thing about this game is that kids can pick a topic of interest — cars, TV characters, countries, cities, foods, names, etc. — and there are 26 possibilities (one for each letter) for every topic.

Make the games into marathons, awarding special treats or trinkets to whoever wins each round. Then have lightning rounds or finals for extra-special awards.

Journal Jotting

Buy cheap but sturdy journals (or use plain notebooks or create your own from construction paper, hole puncher, and yarn) and have kids write down and describe what they see along the way. Have them collect something small (a stone, a seashell, a flower, etc.) or buy a super-small trinket from rest stops (buttons, stickers, postcards, etc.) to glue into their journal, describing each stop and each location or landmark they pass.

Bring along a stack of old magazines and have kids cut out and paste pictures into their journals to illustrate some of what they've seen (cows, fire trucks, palm trees, deer, cars, etc.). Give each kid a disposable camera to capture their own memories and keep the pictures in their personal road-trip journals.

Make It Magnetic

Stock up on a few super-cheap magnetic games (like tic-tac-toe, checkers, etc.) at the local dollar store or at gift shops along the way.

Map Quest

Bring a large map (or smaller map book that little hands can better handle) just for the kids. Have them use stickers and highlighters to mark each road you take on your journey.

Road Trip Box to the Rescue

Find a sturdy cardboard box or hat box (one for each child) and paint the top with chalkboard paint (black or green). Stock the box with tons of handy-dandy arts and crafts items and playthings: chalk, chalkboard eraser, washable markers, crayons, pocket-sized coloring books, colored pencils, scrap paper, mini dry erase board, dry erase marker and cloth eraser, construction paper, stickers, stencils, colored pipe cleaners, Popsicle sticks, tape, colored tape, mini pom-poms, child-safe scissors, hole puncher, yarn, and small dolls or action figures.

Long road trips are a great time to put kids' imaginations to the test to create puppets, masks, journals, and more.

Silence Is Golden

When all else fails, use the standby game "See Who Can Be the Quietest." After hours of singing and crafting, your little ones just might appreciate the challenge of not saying a peep. Make prizes worth their while, with incentives such as money (quarters, a dollar), gift-shop trinkets or games, and a few extra minutes at the hotel pool or staying up a few minutes longer that night.

Sing, Sing a Song

Bone up on sing-along songs. Or buy or make a tape or CD of "round" songs (like "Row, Row, Row Your Boat," "Three Blind Mice," etc.) or sing-along/participation songs ("Old MacDonald," "B-I-N-G-O") that will get everyone — even the most tone-deaf — involved. Buy a kazoo or plastic harmonica for every family member for added accompaniment.

Team Storytelling

Ask each family member to create a line for a story (e.g.,"There once was a boy name Hugh..."), then have everyone add a line until you're all stumped ("who lived in the town's biggest zoo" ... "he often had nothing to do" ... "so he decided to make an igloo" ... "with a big polar bear named Sue"...).

To make things really interesting, go as fast as you can, rhyme as much as possible, and take turns out of order (pointing to someone new each time). Write down the story as you go, then have kids create drawings to coordinate with your silly tale. When you're done, you'll have your own custom-made family story.

This information was provided by Willis-Knighton Health System. For more medically reviewed health information written for parents, kids, and teens visit <www.wkhs.com>. ©2008 The Nemours Foundation/KidsHealth. Used under license.

Sending Messages of Love to Your Grandchild

Every child (and adult) needs to be reminded often that people love and value him or her. It's easy to get so busy that we forget to send these messages, or we send them poorly, or we only send messages of anger.

We make lists everyday for mundane things. Why not make a list to remind yourself to take time out to send messages of love to your grandchild? Nothing could be more important!

As you read the following list, think of each of your grandchildren and consider whether this method would be effective for you. Write the name of the grandchild in the blanks to show which message each child may need.

__________________ Say, "I love you."
__________________ Take a bike ride together.
__________________ Hug the child.
__________________ Take a nature walk together.
__________________ Say, "I sure enjoy being with you."
__________________ Make a trip to the library together. Research a topic of interest to the child. Check out books for you to read to him or him to read to you.
__________________ Say, "I sure am glad you're my grandchild."
__________________ Work on a craft together: sculpt with clay or playdough, build with sticks, sew, draw.
__________________ Work on a hobby together; writing, stamp collecting, woodworking.
__________________ Give the child a back-rub.
__________________ Sit with the child and talk.
__________________ Arm-wrestle, thumb-wrestle, or play a game involving physical exertion. (Be sure the child has a good chance to win!)
__________________ Visit a relative or neighbor.
__________________ Thank the child for helping (or trying to help). Go to a park and swing together.
__________________ Build a playhouse with the child, even if it's only a sheet thrown over a table. Then play in the playhouse together.
__________________ Have the child help you with grocery shopping.
__________________ Have the child sit on your lap or close to you while reading, talking, or watching television.
__________________ Give the child an "Eskimo kiss" (rub noses).
__________________ Other:


From: The University of Georgia College of Agriculture and Environmental Sciences & Family and Consumer Science.

Managing Kids' Expectations in an Age of Entitlement

Who hasn't dealt with this issue, whether a parent or grandparent.  Grandparents.com has some really good advice on the subject.
 
Between keeping bosses, clients, and even spouses and family happy, managing expectations is not a new skill for people with grandchildren. The new group that needs its expectations put in check, however, is children! “Entitlement with kids is a huge issue now," says Jeannie Bertoli, Ph.D., Relationship Expert and Counselor.
Most of you already know that squelching expectations for material things is a grandparent’s best move to help manage a child’s entitlement. But when it comes to entitlements about say, staying up late or being the center of attention, supporting kids' expectations—and even relaxing your enforcement of minor rules—can help kids and parents, alike. Read on to learn what the experts have to say about approaching these different “great expectations.”

Grandkids say: “…but Khloe Kardashian has a Range Rover!”

When keeping up with the Joneses turns into Keeping up with the Kardashians, expectations can become extravagant. The hours spent in front of the television, computer, phone or tablet, otherwise known as “screen time,” is in an upswing. According to the Kaiser foundation, children ages 8-18 spend an average of 7.5 hours of screen time per day on entertainment media, between television, video games and surfing the internet. That’s about half the time they are awake! “Kids want what they see,” says Dr. Bertoli, and the excess they see in the media is magnified by this increased screen time.
Your strategy: “You can’t shut down the media,” says Dr. Bertoli, but setting limits on kids’ screen time helps. She recommends that parents try a household media ban one day each week, or one week each quarter. Grandparents can join in the shutdown efforts by planning “screen-free” activities for grandkids when they visit.

Grandkids say: “…but my friend has a Range Rover!”

Even with the television shut off, children still want what others have, Dr. Bertoli notes, adding that what they see from their peer groups is an even stronger motivation for entitlement than the media. Indeed, according to Forbes, kids of all ages are heavily influenced on their purchase desires by their peers, specifically with regards to smartphones, cars, Apple products, cigarettes, and alcohol.*
Your strategy: Sometimes, the luxury products that your grandkids' friends have fall out of budget—or are simply above what you and their parents are comfortable giving. When a coveted iPhone is not in the cards, work with parents to communicate the “ancient lesson that we all have different things,” says Dr. Bertoli. In other words, “keeping up with the Joneses” is not a purchase justification. Alternatively, you can make the high-value product something that a child must earn. “Show them that we volunteer, or we save money for it,” says Dr. Bertoli.

Grandkids say: “…but I need it!

Love spoiling your grandchildren with presents? You’re not alone. The AARP reports that 57% of grandparents believe it’s their role to “spoil” their grandchildren with too many gifts and 25% of grandparents spend over $1,000 each year on their grandchildren! Spending this cash can be done without spoiling children, says Dr. Bertoli, and without grandkids confusing you with a “money tree.”
Your strategy: If you're in a position to give a gift to your grandchildren that their parents cannot afford, work with the parents to make these gifts unexpected treats, and not just fulfillments of children’s request. “Emphasize the grandparents’ role in the gift, and how special it is that they are able to do these things for [their grandchildren],” says Dr. Bertoli. Modeling the joy of generosity promotes that value in children. “What a beautiful message you can create together,” she adds.

Grandkids say: “…but I’m old enough to stay up until midnight!”

Whether you care for your grandchildren full time, or take charge of them for a weekend visit, be mindful that kids are always ready to test discipline limits. When rule enforcement arises during a heated or exhausted moment, it's tempting to give in, Dr. Bertoli says, which reinforces the expectation that the child is in control. “Commit to being aware that children are increasingly holding you hostage.” Beware of this Stockholm Syndrome!
Your strategy: Dr. Bertoli recommends that parents and other guardians write down house rules, so they are clear when conflicts arise. Non-guardian grandparents, however, can rejoice to learn that with the exception of health- or values-based mandates (think sugar bans and cursing), relaxing rules during the kids’ visits won't disrupt parents’ discipline efforts. “Children understand that they can ‘get away’ with different things at different houses,” says Dr. Bertoli, so in her opinion, letting your grandson stay up late with his grandpa is harmless!

Grandkids say: “…but all of my friends’ parents are there!”

Young children often demand family attention, and expect their parents to be at soccer games, plays and recitals when their peers’ parents are there. “Kids just don’t want to be different,” says Dr. Bertoli.
Your strategy: Instead of squelching your grandchild’s expectation that their parents will always show up to events, you can show them that other members of the family are there to support them, too, by attending important events when parents can't make it. “This is a great place where grandparents can step in to help, especially with single parents,” says Dr. Bertoli. Parents can still be part of the moment by setting up an alternative celebration, such as a “win-or-lose” dinner to talk about all of the details of the game, she adds.


 http://www.grandparents.com/grandkids/discipline-and-behavior/entitled-children

Winter Thought

On a cold wintery day, I think grandparents can relate to this posting from Grandparents.com.

Making the Holidays Less Materialistic

"The gimmes" are all around us during the holiday season. It can be hard for kids — and parents — to look beyond all of the product-driven hoopla and remember what the holidays are really about.
It's not the gifts but what's behind them that's important — the spirit of giving. Help your kids learn the fun of giving, and how rewarding it can be to look for, make, and wrap something special — or do something special — for people they care about and others who are in need.
Here are five ways to curb materialism in your kids and reinforce the real reason for the season:

1. Teach Kids to Question Marketing Messages

From the TV commercials during cartoons to the promos on the backs of cereal boxes, marketing messages target kids of all ages. And to them, everything looks ideal, like something they simply have to have. It all sounds so appealing — often, so much better than it really is.
The ads kids see around the holidays can help foster unrealistic expectations and lead to disappointment. After imagining their "wish list" items all around them, it's hard for reality to measure up when they actually open their gifts.
Of course, it's nearly impossible to eliminate all exposure to marketing messages. You can certainly turn off the TV or at least limit your kids' watching time, but they'll still see and hear ads for the latest gizmos and must-haves.
Explain, when your kids ask for products they see advertised, that commercials and other ads are designed to make people want things they don't necessarily need. And these ads are often meant to make us think that these products will make us happier somehow. Talking to kids about what things are like in reality can help put things into perspective.

• Ask what they think about the products they see advertised as you're watching TV, listening to the radio, reading magazines, or shopping together. Ask thought-provoking questions, such as "Do you think that product really looks, tastes, or works the same way as it seems to in the ad?"
• To limit exposure to TV commercials, experts recommend having kids watch public television stations, recorded programs (without the ads), and children's videos and DVDs.

Teach your kids that not everything they want can always be theirs and that a little "want" here and there isn't all bad. The key is to want things in moderation and to fully appreciate what you're given. Emphasize that the holidays are a special time, when a lot of love and thought is put into gift giving.

2. Focus on Family Traditions

Traditions that focus on family or friends can be a great way to put meaning back into the holidays. Here are a couple of ideas:

• Talk about which family traditions your family loves the most. Then figure out how you can put more emphasis on them. If you love the tradition of lighting the menorah, get together as a group to make your own candles. If you enjoy the family trip to pick out a tree, make it an all-day event and head to a tree farm to choose your own.
• Find out what the holidays mean to others. Have your kids talk to a grandparent, parent, uncle, or aunt about how they spent the holidays growing up. Some holiday traditions that used to be strong — such as neighborhood caroling — are all but lost today. Maybe you'd like to revive some of these as a way to share some holiday spirit with your family, friends, or community.
• Build some new traditions. If you don't have any family traditions, it's never too late to start. Get together around activities that you all enjoy, such as cooking or ice-skating. Ask your kids what they would enjoy doing every year and make an effort to do it. If you can't all decide on one thing, make traditions out of several, so that everyone feels like part of the festivities.

3. Teach Kids to Give of Themselves

Volunteerism, especially around the holidays, offers an ideal opportunity for families to have fun and feel closer to each other at the same time. Community service helps to drive home the message that giving is much more than laying down cash for the hot gift of the season or scrambling around to buy mounds of presents.
Volunteerism can show kids that giving your time, effort, and kindness is more rewarding than just expecting to receive lots of presents.
Also, if volunteering begins at an early age, it can become part of your kids' lives — something they just want to do. It can teach them:

• that one person can make a difference. A wonderful, empowering message for kids is that they are important enough to have an impact on someone or something else.
• the benefit of sacrifice. By giving up a toy to a less fortunate child, a child learns that sometimes it's good to sacrifice. Cutting back on recreation time to help others reinforces that there are important things other than ourselves and our immediate needs.
• tolerance. Working in community service can bring kids and teens together with people of different backgrounds, abilities, ethnicities, ages, and education and income levels. They'll likely find that even the most diverse individuals can be united by common values.
• to be even more appreciative of what they have. By helping others who aren't as fortunate, kids can better see all the remarkable things to be grateful for in their own lives.

Choose to help an organization or group that fits with your family's values and the things you believe in. Just a few ways you can help out in your community and beyond:

• Sponsor another family in need or purchase some presents for less fortunate children through a toy donation program. Let your kids pick out and wrap the gifts themselves.
• If your kids love animals, talk to your local animal shelter. Many distribute staples like pet food to low-income pet owners over the holidays and need volunteers to help.
• Give back to the elderly in your area. Help out at a nursing home; visit with older people who could use a little extra joy and company around the holidays; bring gifts or meals to those who are homebound; or lend a hand to elderly neighbors with decorating, cooking, or wrapping presents.
• Volunteer your family's time by helping out at a children's hospital or homeless shelter or building or refurbishing housing for people in need.

Community service can teach kids that giving comes in many forms, not just as presents. Emphasize that giving of their time, effort, and caring can mean so much more — and last longer — than any gift that money can buy.

4. Give Gifts With Meaning

Of course, gift giving will always be a large part of the holiday season. And with good reason — it can teach kids to really consider what might make others happy and what's important to people they care about. Watching loved ones' faces as they open presents that your children put a lot of heart and thought into can make the holidays more worthwhile for your kids.
But presents don't always have to be purchased in a store. Teach your kids how to put some real meaning and feelings into their gifts this year and beyond. Making their own presents can help show just how much kids care and can make the experience of giving more rewarding for both kids and their gift recipients.
Here are some ideas to get your family started:

• Make homemade gifts together.
  • Create photo albums, especially small "brag books" that family members can carry around with them. Not only does this capture precious memories and show just how much they mean, making photo album gifts also shows loved ones that a lot of thought and time was put into their presents.
  • Print and frame favorite digital photos of friends and loved ones.
  • Create customized stationery for people on your family's list using your home computer and printer.
  • Have your kids create their own customized artwork — collages, paintings, drawings, etc. — and put them in fun frames. They can even decorate the frames.
  • Create a customized family tree for family members (something grandparents would especially appreciate).
  • Make your own batches of presents, like potpourri or ornaments, or wrapping paper and customized home decorations like wreaths.
  • Create personalized family videos for long-distance friends and loved ones.
• Give philanthropic gifts. Many communities hold fairs where you can buy gifts by making a donation to causes your family and friends care about. Others offer actual gifts made by people with special needs. Check out charity organizations' websites for information on donating money on behalf of others and about gifts whose proceeds go to the charity itself.
• Instead of giving gifts of things, teach kids to consider giving gifts of time. For example, their grandmother may welcome their help in learning how to use a computer program. Or their little sister may want to learn how to knit. Have family members create special gift certificates (e.g., "two free car washes," "five free specially prepared meals," "10 free loads of laundry," etc.). These days, when everyone's so stretched, a gift of time can be more meaningful than one that costs big bucks.

Be a Good Holiday Role Model

Show your kids that the holidays can be joyous and fulfilling, not just a stress-ridden time that revolves around marathon shopping trips. Emphasize early on that it's not about tons of presents, but giving and receiving a few heartfelt gifts.
By starting early with traditions that emphasize the true meaning of the holidays and the caring thoughts behind gift giving, you can help to mold your kids' perspectives on the holiday season and what it means to both give and receive all year long.

This information was provided by Willis-Knighton Health System. For more medically reviewed health information written for parents, kids, and teens visit <www.wkhs.com>. ©2008 The Nemours Foundation/KidsHealth. Used under license.

What interferes with open communicaton?

Sometimes communication is difficult. Perhaps one or more family members have strong feelings about the situation and express these feelings in ways that may confuse the child. Warning signs may include:

 

• Family members feel very angry towards one another. They have trouble dealing with and expressing these feelings
• Family members feel very defensive and resentful. They may think that others blame them for another family member's problems. For example, a parent may feel blamed for the child's problems or a grandparent may feel blamed for a parent's problems.
• Family members feel hostile toward people outside the family. This may include teachers or other school personnel, "the system," or professionals who are trying to help. They may turn down support or help that is offered.

 

These feelings affect children. Feelings that are communicated in very negative ways, such as sarcasm, shouting, yelling, mean statements, hostile silence, or even hitting are harmful. They affect the child's communication with others and distance them from people who are trying to help. Negative communication keeps families from understanding that every member plays a role. It also can make families less open to change and lead to problems in the child's life.

 

 

 

Credits

Authors

Julie Poehlmann, Ph. D.

Assistant Professor

Human Development and Family

Studies

Waisman Center

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Mary Brintnall-Peterson, Ph. D.

Professor, Family Living Programs

University of Wisconsin–Extension

Rebecca Shlafer

Research Intern

Human Development and Family

Studies

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Kari Morgan, Ph. D.

Former Program Specialist

Family Living Programs

University of Wisconsin Extension

Behaviors as communication: What is your grandchild trying to tell you?

Young children often do not have the language skills to clearly put words to their thoughts and feelings. You'll have to take clues from their behavior to try to understand what they're trying to communicate.

Sometimes, children act out to get attention because they feel sad or neglected. Other times, children withdraw from the environment and ignore special people in their lives. This does not mean they don't care about those people. Sometimes children act in certain ways because they don't know any other way to express themselves.

Understanding your grandchild's behaviors may be easy. It's not as simple as "If my grandchild does X, he's feeling Y." Children (and adults) are not that straightforward. One behavior can express a number of different things. Understanding the child and the stuation can help you figure out what the behaviors mean.

The source of a child's behaviors can depend on a lot of different things. Understanding these factors is important. It is one key to helping you understand what your grandchildren are saying when they behave in ways that are confusing or troublesome.

Factors within the child:

• age
• developmental level (especially language skills)
• child's temperament (is the child usually busy, calm, fussy, or pleasant?)
• gender
• physical well-being (is the child hungry, tired, or sick?)
• emotional well-being (is the child stressed or depressed?)

Factors within the family:

• quality of family relationships
• communication styles in the family
• time spent together
• what has the child been told about the situation?
• what does the child know about the situation?

Factors within the situation:

• how recent are the changes in the child's life?
• school environment
• quality of friendships
• neighborhood factors
• grandparents' job
• other stressors and supports

Credits

Authors

Julie Poehlmann, Ph. D.

Assistant Professor

Human Development and Family

Studies

Waisman Center

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Mary Brintnall-Peterson, Ph. D.

Professor, Family Living Programs

University of Wisconsin–Extension

Rebecca Shlafer

Research Intern

Human Development and Family

Studies

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Kari Morgan, Ph. D.

Former Program Specialist

Family Living Programs

University of Wisconsin Extension