July 4th Fun!

Teaching our children and grandchildren to be patriotic is a good thing and not outdated. Patriotism helps children feel connected and that makes our efforts worthy.  Below are a few fun July 4th activities you could share with your grandchildren that should not only help them connect with America, but with you:

1. Balloon Fireworks

Have a safe firework show inside you home.

Fill up balloons with confetti and pop the balloons for a loud and sparkly explosion.

2. 4th of July Stars

Grab some construction paper, glitter and glue and decorate stars.

3. Independence Day Piñata

Buy star or flag piñata and fill it with confetti and treats.

4. Fourth of July puppet show on America’s History (Both fun and educational)

Build a small stage in your backyard and grab puppets, put on a show and teach your kids some history.

5. Movie night

Grab a blanket and some popcorn and enjoy a movie such as “This is America, Charlie Brown.”

6. July 4 Glow Stick Pictures in the dark

Buy red white and blue glow sticks and bring a camera outside.

Move the glow sticks quickly to make a shape and snap some pictures.

7. Camp under the stars in your backyard

What a wonderful excuse to go camping in your backyard. Bring a tent, a sleeping bag and a flashlight and tell ghost stories with your kids.

8. Water balloon fight

It is summer and very hot out. Buy some red, white and blue balloons and have a huge water balloon fight with your kids.

 9. Cookies and Cupcakes and Ice Cream

Bake sugar cookies and confetti cupcakes and decorate with red, white and blue sprinkles.

Buy Vanilla ice cream and top with red and blue starred sprinkles.

Needing Help Managing Stress?

Some other signs that you or someone you know needs help managing stress include:

• Anger or irritability
• Feeling overwhelmed
• Pulling away from people
• Constant worrying
• Feeling sad all the time
• Problems sleeping (too much or too little)
• Worsening of health problems
• Difficulty concentrating

What Types of Help Are Available?

Family Therapy: Custodial grandparenting impacts all members of a family. Family therapy can help individuals and families cope with their feelings about their family structure and improve the quality of their relationships. Family therapists are specially trained to understand the complicated feelings and relationships within grandparent-headed families. If you feel that your family could benefit from family therapy, find a therapist who has experience working with grandparent-headed families. 

Support Groups: Many communities offer support groups for grandparent-headed families. Most of these support groups are for grandparents raising grandchildren. However, support groups are also available for grandchildren. Support groups provide participants with an opportunity to talk about their experiences and feelings in a safe, supportive environment. Participants can also gain information, learn from one another, and meet people dealing with similar issues. Good support groups allow time for personal sharing, but also take a positive outlook, structure sharing time, connect participants to sources of support, and help participants set and reach goals.

By Megan L. Dolbin-MacNab, PhD and Ryan M. Traylor, MS  
American Association of Family Therapy

Aleviating the Stress

How Can I Help My Family & Myself?

• Join a support group; meeting other grandparent-headed families can provide support and a sense of community.
• Establish a schedule for your family; having a routine is helpful for children from unstable and chaotic homes.
• Take care of your physical and mental health. Get regular physicals, exercise, eat right, and get plenty of rest.
• Take advantage of respite services or work with other grandparent caregivers to take a break from caregiving.
• Have a social network; stay in contact with friends or a faith community.
• Become educated about custodial grandparenting and available resources.
• Do not talk negatively about grandchildren’s parents in front of your grandchildren.
• Allow grandchildren to share their feelings about their family situation.

When Should I Get Help?

Because each family is different, it is difficult to say when a grandparent-headed family should seek help. However, grandparents should seek help if they feel unable to manage their stress, if their stress interferes with their ability to function, or if tension and conflict among family members becomes too difficult to manage. They should also seek help if their grandchildren’s problems become overwhelming.

Source: American Association of Marriage Therapy
 http://www.aamft.org/imis15/content/consumer_updates/Grandparents_Raising_Grandchildren.aspx

Challenges of Raising Your Grandchildren

In the last 30 years, there has been a significant increase in the number of grandparent-headed families. Census data indicate that in the United States there are approximately 2.4 million grandparents raising 4.5 million children. Custodial grandparenting occurs when a grandparent assumes responsibility for a grandchild because the grandchild’s parents cannot or choose not to care for the child. Some common reasons for custodial grandparenting include parental substance abuse, abuse and neglect, incarceration, HIV/AIDS, mental or physical illness, teenage pregnancy, abandonment, divorce, and death. Although grandparent-headed families are extremely diverse, they are more likely to be African-American, female-headed, and living in poverty.

What Are The Challenges?

1. Children:
   • Because of their experiences with their parents, children being raised in grandparent-headed families often display developmental, physical, behavioral, academic, and emotional problems. Some of these problems include depression, anxiety, ADHD, health problems, learning disabilities, poor school performance, and aggression.
   • Grandchildren may also experience feelings of anger, rejection, and guilt. The degree to which grandchildren experience problems varies, although many grandchildren experience multiple problems.
   • Relationships among family members can also create stress for grandchildren. Visits from parents can be upsetting, and often leave grandchildren feeling hurt and confused. Due to their age difference, grandchildren may also feel disconnected from their grandparent caregivers. Finally, household rules and expectations can be a source of tension and conflict.
2. Grandparent Caregivers:
   • Becoming the caregiver for a grandchild impacts all aspects of a person’s life. As a result, grandparents raising grandchildren face a number of challenges.
   • Grandparents often have legal difficulties related to obtaining guardianship, enrolling their grandchildren in school, and accessing medical care for their grandchildren. They may also have concerns related to custody battles with other grandparents or their grandchildren’s parents.
   • Because they often have limited financial resources, grandparents may experience difficulty providing adequate housing, food, and clothing.
   • Parenting may be challenging for custodial grandparents, especially when their grandchildren have problems. To be effective parents, grandparents need current information about discipline, child development, and childhood problems. Grandparents also need to transition from the role of traditional grandparent to that of parent.
   • Grandparents may have limited energy and physical health problems that make parenting difficult. Additionally, grandparent caregivers might feel anxious or depressed.
   • Grandparents raising grandchildren often have less time for themselves. They may also have less time to spend with their partners and friends. This loss of time can be stressful and can cause feelings of anger, grief, and loss.
   • It can be difficult for grandparent caregivers to manage their grandchildren’s parents. Parents may make unannounced visits and unrealistic promises. Grandparents may also struggle with trying to protect their grandchildren, while still allowing them to visit with their parents. Additionally, it may be disappointing for grandparents to see their child fail as a parent.
   • Grandparents may feel anger at their grandchildren’s parents, guilt about their parenting, or embarrassment about their family situation. 
   •  
   Source: AAMFT, American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy
   http://www.aamft.org/imis15/content/consumer_updates/Grandparents_Raising_Grandchildren.aspx
   

Guidelines for Dealing with Grandchildren after Divorce

• When a couple divorces, a natural tendency of grandparents is to side with their child against his or her spouse. The suggested guideline, however, is to remain (at least outwardly) neutral. It is in the grandchild's best interest to keep matters as amicable as possible.
• Do not attempt to get grandchildren to take sides in their parents' divorce. Sometimes, one or both of the divorcing parents will attempt to use grandparents as a weapon in the struggle for a grandchild's loyalty. These attempts should be resisted, and dealt with in an open manner.
• Stay flexible. If a recently divorced in-law feels that weekly visits by the former spouse's parents are too difficult to manage for the moment, the grandparents should, in most instances, not argue. They should settle for a different - even if less frequent - schedule. Generally, patience will most likely pay off in a better relationship. 

Source: Grandparents: As Parents , Colorado State Extension Service

More Resources for Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Grandparents' Guide: Helping to Raise Your Children's Children (Adobe PDF document)
This PDF was created by the Beatitudes Center of Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Arizona. It has six major sections that provide information about the topic presented above. Among the major topics that are distributed among the sections include a discussion of the developmental stages of children of all ages, water safety, communication skills, self esteem, legal issues, child abuse, financial issues, day care, and school related issues.
Help for Parents and Children in Dallas County: A Resource Directory (Adobe PDF document)
This PDF was created by a partnership of the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services and the Exxon Mobile Foundation. The primary users of this PDF are parents and children who live in Dallas County, Texas. It begins with helpful phone numbers of agencies who serve this population group. Secondly, a guide to help users understand each agency listing is provided, maps of both the City of Dallas and Dallas County are provided. It concludes with various agency resources that are initially broken down by specific issue, followed by a subject index, and concluded by an alphabetical listing of agency resources.
For children: A Beautiful World Starts With You (Adobe PDF document)
This PDF file is filled with fun activities that help children to realize the importance of being good caretakers of the world they live in. Among the activities are puzzles, creative projects they can construct, pictures they can color and jokes to help emphasize the theme of this PDF.
AARP Texas Fact Sheet (Adode PDF document)
The fact sheet presents both Texas and national statistics related to the topic Grandparents Raising Grandchildren. Resource listings that cover each region of the state of Texas combined with national resources are presented. Note: This document is hosted on another website.
Texas Kincare Primer (Adobe PDF document)
This PDF presents tremendous information that begins by presenting who the Kincare organization is and their purpose. Unique information provided in the PDF includes information about family law, documents you may need in seeking services from various agencies, power of attorney, early childhood intervention services, parenting success with the "sandwich generation," resources for those who live in both Dallas and Houston, Texas, information about the Child Tax Credit and Earned Income Tax Credits, and consent to medical treatment by non-parents. Note: This document is hosted on another website.

Downloads (Espanol)
Guia para los abuelos: Ayuda para criar a los hijos de sus hijos (Adobe PDF documento)
Este PDF fue creado por el Centro de Bienaventuranzas del Blue Cross and Blue Shield de Arizona. Esto tiene seis secciones principales que proporcionan la informacion sobre el tema presentado encima. Entre los temas principales que son distribuidos entre las secciones incluyen una discusion de las etapas del desarrollo de ninos de todos los anos, seguridad de agua, habilidades de comunicacion, estima, cuestiones legales, abuso de nino, cuestiones financieras, cuidado de dia de nino, y la escuela relaciono cuestiones.

On the Web
AARP: Help for Grandparents Raising Grandchildren
The AARP website is filled with resources for adults who are at least 50 years of age. There are 188 resources listed to assist grandparents who are raising their grandchildren. Examples of those resources include help with legal issues, activities that are fun to do with your grandchildren, and links to support groups. The resources are available without cost to the user.
Buckner Children & Family Services of North Texas
The Buckner Children and Family Services of North Texas provide Christian based services to the entire family from each location in the metroplex and around the world. Among the services they provide are counseling, residential, foster care and transitional housing services.
City of Dallas Senior Services Program
This website from the City of Dallas Senior Services Program provides an address where the main office is located, as well as helpful online information and resources.
Collin County Senior Resources
This website provides a list of businesses in Collin County that provide resources to Senior Citizens and information about grandparents who are raising their grandchildren.
Community Council of Greater Dallas: Parenting in the Metroplex
The Texas A&M Extension Services provides educational programs and workshops designed for grandparents. This website will provide dates and times when they are offered and other resources.
Federal Citizen Information Center
The Federal Citizen Information Center is a service provided by the U.S. General Services Administration. It has links to full text versions of hundreds of free publications produced by the federal government.
Grandparent Guide on Raising Grandchildren
The Illinois Department on Aging has a website to provide resources to grandparents who are raising their grandchildren. There are resources that will be of benefit to grandparents, no matter which state they live in.
Grandparenting Resource and Support Guide
Grandparents need resources and support in raising their grandchildren. This website is designed to assist not only them, but the other relatives of the children, as well.
Grandparent News on SeniorJournal
The Senior Journal has lots of very helpful information not only for Senior Citizens, but also for those who are raising their grandchildren.
Grandparent Rights Resources
What are the rights of grandparents? This website provides a lot of resources that will assist you in determining what they are and what actions you may need to take.
Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: Implications for Professionals and Agencies
This website has both an audio tape and a PDF file that discusses the implications of grandparents raising their grandchildren on both Professionals and Agencies.
USA.gov: Grandparents Raising Grandchildren
The resources on the above website are meant to assist grandparents who are raising their grandchildren. Example resources include the following: (1) benefits and assistance, (2) resources from all 50 states, (3) lists of reports and publications, and (4) health and safety resources.

 

Spankings

"You have to set limits," "It's for their own good," and "Having to hit kids hurts me more than it does them." These are reasons often given for spanking.

But research tells us that physical discipline like this tends to generate anxiety in children, lower their self-esteem and make the kids more likely to become aggressive themselves.

Source: 1-2-3 Magic Newsletter, April 2012