Challenges of Raising Your Grandchildren

In the last 30 years, there has been a significant increase in the number of grandparent-headed families. Census data indicate that in the United States there are approximately 2.4 million grandparents raising 4.5 million children. Custodial grandparenting occurs when a grandparent assumes responsibility for a grandchild because the grandchild’s parents cannot or choose not to care for the child. Some common reasons for custodial grandparenting include parental substance abuse, abuse and neglect, incarceration, HIV/AIDS, mental or physical illness, teenage pregnancy, abandonment, divorce, and death. Although grandparent-headed families are extremely diverse, they are more likely to be African-American, female-headed, and living in poverty.

What Are The Challenges?

1. Children:
   • Because of their experiences with their parents, children being raised in grandparent-headed families often display developmental, physical, behavioral, academic, and emotional problems. Some of these problems include depression, anxiety, ADHD, health problems, learning disabilities, poor school performance, and aggression.
   • Grandchildren may also experience feelings of anger, rejection, and guilt. The degree to which grandchildren experience problems varies, although many grandchildren experience multiple problems.
   • Relationships among family members can also create stress for grandchildren. Visits from parents can be upsetting, and often leave grandchildren feeling hurt and confused. Due to their age difference, grandchildren may also feel disconnected from their grandparent caregivers. Finally, household rules and expectations can be a source of tension and conflict.
2. Grandparent Caregivers:
   • Becoming the caregiver for a grandchild impacts all aspects of a person’s life. As a result, grandparents raising grandchildren face a number of challenges.
   • Grandparents often have legal difficulties related to obtaining guardianship, enrolling their grandchildren in school, and accessing medical care for their grandchildren. They may also have concerns related to custody battles with other grandparents or their grandchildren’s parents.
   • Because they often have limited financial resources, grandparents may experience difficulty providing adequate housing, food, and clothing.
   • Parenting may be challenging for custodial grandparents, especially when their grandchildren have problems. To be effective parents, grandparents need current information about discipline, child development, and childhood problems. Grandparents also need to transition from the role of traditional grandparent to that of parent.
   • Grandparents may have limited energy and physical health problems that make parenting difficult. Additionally, grandparent caregivers might feel anxious or depressed.
   • Grandparents raising grandchildren often have less time for themselves. They may also have less time to spend with their partners and friends. This loss of time can be stressful and can cause feelings of anger, grief, and loss.
   • It can be difficult for grandparent caregivers to manage their grandchildren’s parents. Parents may make unannounced visits and unrealistic promises. Grandparents may also struggle with trying to protect their grandchildren, while still allowing them to visit with their parents. Additionally, it may be disappointing for grandparents to see their child fail as a parent.
   • Grandparents may feel anger at their grandchildren’s parents, guilt about their parenting, or embarrassment about their family situation. 
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   Source: AAMFT, American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy
   http://www.aamft.org/imis15/content/consumer_updates/Grandparents_Raising_Grandchildren.aspx