July 4th Fun!

Teaching our children and grandchildren to be patriotic is a good thing and not outdated. Patriotism helps children feel connected and that makes our efforts worthy.  Below are a few fun July 4th activities you could share with your grandchildren that should not only help them connect with America, but with you:

1. Balloon Fireworks

Have a safe firework show inside you home.

Fill up balloons with confetti and pop the balloons for a loud and sparkly explosion.

2. 4th of July Stars

Grab some construction paper, glitter and glue and decorate stars.

3. Independence Day Piñata

Buy star or flag piñata and fill it with confetti and treats.

4. Fourth of July puppet show on America’s History (Both fun and educational)

Build a small stage in your backyard and grab puppets, put on a show and teach your kids some history.

5. Movie night

Grab a blanket and some popcorn and enjoy a movie such as “This is America, Charlie Brown.”

6. July 4 Glow Stick Pictures in the dark

Buy red white and blue glow sticks and bring a camera outside.

Move the glow sticks quickly to make a shape and snap some pictures.

7. Camp under the stars in your backyard

What a wonderful excuse to go camping in your backyard. Bring a tent, a sleeping bag and a flashlight and tell ghost stories with your kids.

8. Water balloon fight

It is summer and very hot out. Buy some red, white and blue balloons and have a huge water balloon fight with your kids.

 9. Cookies and Cupcakes and Ice Cream

Bake sugar cookies and confetti cupcakes and decorate with red, white and blue sprinkles.

Buy Vanilla ice cream and top with red and blue starred sprinkles.

Needing Help Managing Stress?

Some other signs that you or someone you know needs help managing stress include:

• Anger or irritability
• Feeling overwhelmed
• Pulling away from people
• Constant worrying
• Feeling sad all the time
• Problems sleeping (too much or too little)
• Worsening of health problems
• Difficulty concentrating

What Types of Help Are Available?

Family Therapy: Custodial grandparenting impacts all members of a family. Family therapy can help individuals and families cope with their feelings about their family structure and improve the quality of their relationships. Family therapists are specially trained to understand the complicated feelings and relationships within grandparent-headed families. If you feel that your family could benefit from family therapy, find a therapist who has experience working with grandparent-headed families. 

Support Groups: Many communities offer support groups for grandparent-headed families. Most of these support groups are for grandparents raising grandchildren. However, support groups are also available for grandchildren. Support groups provide participants with an opportunity to talk about their experiences and feelings in a safe, supportive environment. Participants can also gain information, learn from one another, and meet people dealing with similar issues. Good support groups allow time for personal sharing, but also take a positive outlook, structure sharing time, connect participants to sources of support, and help participants set and reach goals.

By Megan L. Dolbin-MacNab, PhD and Ryan M. Traylor, MS  
American Association of Family Therapy

Aleviating the Stress

How Can I Help My Family & Myself?

• Join a support group; meeting other grandparent-headed families can provide support and a sense of community.
• Establish a schedule for your family; having a routine is helpful for children from unstable and chaotic homes.
• Take care of your physical and mental health. Get regular physicals, exercise, eat right, and get plenty of rest.
• Take advantage of respite services or work with other grandparent caregivers to take a break from caregiving.
• Have a social network; stay in contact with friends or a faith community.
• Become educated about custodial grandparenting and available resources.
• Do not talk negatively about grandchildren’s parents in front of your grandchildren.
• Allow grandchildren to share their feelings about their family situation.

When Should I Get Help?

Because each family is different, it is difficult to say when a grandparent-headed family should seek help. However, grandparents should seek help if they feel unable to manage their stress, if their stress interferes with their ability to function, or if tension and conflict among family members becomes too difficult to manage. They should also seek help if their grandchildren’s problems become overwhelming.

Source: American Association of Marriage Therapy
 http://www.aamft.org/imis15/content/consumer_updates/Grandparents_Raising_Grandchildren.aspx

Challenges of Raising Your Grandchildren

In the last 30 years, there has been a significant increase in the number of grandparent-headed families. Census data indicate that in the United States there are approximately 2.4 million grandparents raising 4.5 million children. Custodial grandparenting occurs when a grandparent assumes responsibility for a grandchild because the grandchild’s parents cannot or choose not to care for the child. Some common reasons for custodial grandparenting include parental substance abuse, abuse and neglect, incarceration, HIV/AIDS, mental or physical illness, teenage pregnancy, abandonment, divorce, and death. Although grandparent-headed families are extremely diverse, they are more likely to be African-American, female-headed, and living in poverty.

What Are The Challenges?

1. Children:
   • Because of their experiences with their parents, children being raised in grandparent-headed families often display developmental, physical, behavioral, academic, and emotional problems. Some of these problems include depression, anxiety, ADHD, health problems, learning disabilities, poor school performance, and aggression.
   • Grandchildren may also experience feelings of anger, rejection, and guilt. The degree to which grandchildren experience problems varies, although many grandchildren experience multiple problems.
   • Relationships among family members can also create stress for grandchildren. Visits from parents can be upsetting, and often leave grandchildren feeling hurt and confused. Due to their age difference, grandchildren may also feel disconnected from their grandparent caregivers. Finally, household rules and expectations can be a source of tension and conflict.
2. Grandparent Caregivers:
   • Becoming the caregiver for a grandchild impacts all aspects of a person’s life. As a result, grandparents raising grandchildren face a number of challenges.
   • Grandparents often have legal difficulties related to obtaining guardianship, enrolling their grandchildren in school, and accessing medical care for their grandchildren. They may also have concerns related to custody battles with other grandparents or their grandchildren’s parents.
   • Because they often have limited financial resources, grandparents may experience difficulty providing adequate housing, food, and clothing.
   • Parenting may be challenging for custodial grandparents, especially when their grandchildren have problems. To be effective parents, grandparents need current information about discipline, child development, and childhood problems. Grandparents also need to transition from the role of traditional grandparent to that of parent.
   • Grandparents may have limited energy and physical health problems that make parenting difficult. Additionally, grandparent caregivers might feel anxious or depressed.
   • Grandparents raising grandchildren often have less time for themselves. They may also have less time to spend with their partners and friends. This loss of time can be stressful and can cause feelings of anger, grief, and loss.
   • It can be difficult for grandparent caregivers to manage their grandchildren’s parents. Parents may make unannounced visits and unrealistic promises. Grandparents may also struggle with trying to protect their grandchildren, while still allowing them to visit with their parents. Additionally, it may be disappointing for grandparents to see their child fail as a parent.
   • Grandparents may feel anger at their grandchildren’s parents, guilt about their parenting, or embarrassment about their family situation. 
   •  
   Source: AAMFT, American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy
   http://www.aamft.org/imis15/content/consumer_updates/Grandparents_Raising_Grandchildren.aspx
   

Guidelines for Dealing with Grandchildren after Divorce

• When a couple divorces, a natural tendency of grandparents is to side with their child against his or her spouse. The suggested guideline, however, is to remain (at least outwardly) neutral. It is in the grandchild's best interest to keep matters as amicable as possible.
• Do not attempt to get grandchildren to take sides in their parents' divorce. Sometimes, one or both of the divorcing parents will attempt to use grandparents as a weapon in the struggle for a grandchild's loyalty. These attempts should be resisted, and dealt with in an open manner.
• Stay flexible. If a recently divorced in-law feels that weekly visits by the former spouse's parents are too difficult to manage for the moment, the grandparents should, in most instances, not argue. They should settle for a different - even if less frequent - schedule. Generally, patience will most likely pay off in a better relationship. 

Source: Grandparents: As Parents , Colorado State Extension Service

More Resources for Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Grandparents' Guide: Helping to Raise Your Children's Children (Adobe PDF document)
This PDF was created by the Beatitudes Center of Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Arizona. It has six major sections that provide information about the topic presented above. Among the major topics that are distributed among the sections include a discussion of the developmental stages of children of all ages, water safety, communication skills, self esteem, legal issues, child abuse, financial issues, day care, and school related issues.
Help for Parents and Children in Dallas County: A Resource Directory (Adobe PDF document)
This PDF was created by a partnership of the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services and the Exxon Mobile Foundation. The primary users of this PDF are parents and children who live in Dallas County, Texas. It begins with helpful phone numbers of agencies who serve this population group. Secondly, a guide to help users understand each agency listing is provided, maps of both the City of Dallas and Dallas County are provided. It concludes with various agency resources that are initially broken down by specific issue, followed by a subject index, and concluded by an alphabetical listing of agency resources.
For children: A Beautiful World Starts With You (Adobe PDF document)
This PDF file is filled with fun activities that help children to realize the importance of being good caretakers of the world they live in. Among the activities are puzzles, creative projects they can construct, pictures they can color and jokes to help emphasize the theme of this PDF.
AARP Texas Fact Sheet (Adode PDF document)
The fact sheet presents both Texas and national statistics related to the topic Grandparents Raising Grandchildren. Resource listings that cover each region of the state of Texas combined with national resources are presented. Note: This document is hosted on another website.
Texas Kincare Primer (Adobe PDF document)
This PDF presents tremendous information that begins by presenting who the Kincare organization is and their purpose. Unique information provided in the PDF includes information about family law, documents you may need in seeking services from various agencies, power of attorney, early childhood intervention services, parenting success with the "sandwich generation," resources for those who live in both Dallas and Houston, Texas, information about the Child Tax Credit and Earned Income Tax Credits, and consent to medical treatment by non-parents. Note: This document is hosted on another website.

Downloads (Espanol)
Guia para los abuelos: Ayuda para criar a los hijos de sus hijos (Adobe PDF documento)
Este PDF fue creado por el Centro de Bienaventuranzas del Blue Cross and Blue Shield de Arizona. Esto tiene seis secciones principales que proporcionan la informacion sobre el tema presentado encima. Entre los temas principales que son distribuidos entre las secciones incluyen una discusion de las etapas del desarrollo de ninos de todos los anos, seguridad de agua, habilidades de comunicacion, estima, cuestiones legales, abuso de nino, cuestiones financieras, cuidado de dia de nino, y la escuela relaciono cuestiones.

On the Web
AARP: Help for Grandparents Raising Grandchildren
The AARP website is filled with resources for adults who are at least 50 years of age. There are 188 resources listed to assist grandparents who are raising their grandchildren. Examples of those resources include help with legal issues, activities that are fun to do with your grandchildren, and links to support groups. The resources are available without cost to the user.
Buckner Children & Family Services of North Texas
The Buckner Children and Family Services of North Texas provide Christian based services to the entire family from each location in the metroplex and around the world. Among the services they provide are counseling, residential, foster care and transitional housing services.
City of Dallas Senior Services Program
This website from the City of Dallas Senior Services Program provides an address where the main office is located, as well as helpful online information and resources.
Collin County Senior Resources
This website provides a list of businesses in Collin County that provide resources to Senior Citizens and information about grandparents who are raising their grandchildren.
Community Council of Greater Dallas: Parenting in the Metroplex
The Texas A&M Extension Services provides educational programs and workshops designed for grandparents. This website will provide dates and times when they are offered and other resources.
Federal Citizen Information Center
The Federal Citizen Information Center is a service provided by the U.S. General Services Administration. It has links to full text versions of hundreds of free publications produced by the federal government.
Grandparent Guide on Raising Grandchildren
The Illinois Department on Aging has a website to provide resources to grandparents who are raising their grandchildren. There are resources that will be of benefit to grandparents, no matter which state they live in.
Grandparenting Resource and Support Guide
Grandparents need resources and support in raising their grandchildren. This website is designed to assist not only them, but the other relatives of the children, as well.
Grandparent News on SeniorJournal
The Senior Journal has lots of very helpful information not only for Senior Citizens, but also for those who are raising their grandchildren.
Grandparent Rights Resources
What are the rights of grandparents? This website provides a lot of resources that will assist you in determining what they are and what actions you may need to take.
Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: Implications for Professionals and Agencies
This website has both an audio tape and a PDF file that discusses the implications of grandparents raising their grandchildren on both Professionals and Agencies.
USA.gov: Grandparents Raising Grandchildren
The resources on the above website are meant to assist grandparents who are raising their grandchildren. Example resources include the following: (1) benefits and assistance, (2) resources from all 50 states, (3) lists of reports and publications, and (4) health and safety resources.

 

Spankings

"You have to set limits," "It's for their own good," and "Having to hit kids hurts me more than it does them." These are reasons often given for spanking.

But research tells us that physical discipline like this tends to generate anxiety in children, lower their self-esteem and make the kids more likely to become aggressive themselves.

Source: 1-2-3 Magic Newsletter, April 2012

Taking Care of Your Grandchildren

Check out these great safety tips from KidsHealth.org.

(Whether your grandkids are with us for just a visit or on a permanent basis), you may want to brush up on a few child care basics. Though you raised healthy kids in a safe environment, in recent years much research has been devoted to child safety. Government agencies and medical experts have developed a slew of safety standards and laws to keep kids healthy and out of harm's way. And as a result, many new products are available that make it convenient and economical for parents — and grandparents — to meet those new standards. Whether you're caring for grandkids at their house or in your home, these tips can make the experience enjoyable — and trauma-free — for all of you! Hand Washing Thorough hand washing — particularly after going to the bathroom and before preparing or eating food — is now recognized as one of the most important ways to prevent the spread of any illness, from the flu to infectious diarrhea. To really get rid of germs: wet your hands with warm water, then rub with soap for at least 15 seconds (long enough to sing a few rounds of "Happy Birthday") before rinsing well. In a public restroom, dry your hands on a disposable towel, then use that towel to turn off the faucet. Teach your grandkids this important habit to help the entire family stay healthy. If you have a tough time getting them to make a stop at the sink, try soaps with bright colors, fun shapes, or appealing smells. Or have them sing a favorite song during the scrubbing. Medications Know what medications you can give your grandchild in the event of illness. If you have any questions, call the child's doctor before giving any over-the-counter medications. Also, kids who are 12 years old or younger should never be given aspirin, as it has been linked to Reye syndrome, a serious illness that can cause nausea, vomiting, and behavioral changes, and often requires treatment in a hospital. Also, never give a child medications that have been prescribed to someone else, whether it's an adult or child. Even if two people have the same illness, they may require different drugs with different doses and directions. Sleep Infants younger than 1 year old should be placed on their backs to sleep to reduce the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). Infants should not be placed on their stomachs or their sides to sleep. Babies should sleep in a crib or bassinet on a firm mattress, without soft bedding, plush toys, or other soft objects. Loose bedding, such as blankets and sheets, should be tucked under the crib mattress to avoid covering the infant's face. Other ways to lower the risk of SIDS include: Keep room temperature comfortable and avoid over-bundling. Give the infant a pacifier at naptime and bedtime, but do not force it if the baby refuses it. Do not replace a pacifier that has fallen out during sleep. Do not expose the infant to cigarette smoke. In addition, infants who sleep in the same room (though not the same bed) as their mothers have a lower risk of SIDS. Consider having a crib or bassinet in the room where you or the child's parents sleep. TV, Computers, and Video Games Kids under 2 years old should not have any time in front of a screen, including TVs, DVDs or videos, and computers. After age 2, kids should have no more than 1 to 2 hours of quality programming a day. Offer your grandkids a variety of free-time activities to try instead of TV or videos, video games, and the Internet. The TV should be turned off during meals and homework, and you can set a good example by limiting your own TV watching. To help you decide what programs are appropriate for your grandchild, look for age-group rating tools on some TV programs and video games (they're usually listed onscreen). Vaccines Immunizations are one of the most important ways to keep kids — and everyone around them — healthy. Find out if your grandchildren are up-to-date on all their immunizations. Also, it's particularly important for grandparents to get annual flu shots, which are recommended for everyone over 6 months of age, including adults. Flu shots usually are given between September and mid-November and throughout flu season. Also make sure that you have had the Tdap vaccine. This is particularly important to help decrease the chance of spreading pertussis (whooping cough) to your grandchild. Pertussis can cause very serious illness or death in infants. Car Seats Babies and children should be in child safety seats that meet current standards. All kids younger than 12 years should ride in the back seat with the appropriate safety restraint. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that infants and toddlers ride in a rear-facing seat until they are 2 years old or until they have reached the maximum weight and height limits recommended by the manufacturer. All kids 2 years or older, or those younger than 2 years who have outgrown the rear-facing height or weight limit for their car seat, should use a forward-facing car seat with a full harness for as long as possible. Booster seats are vehicle safety seats for kids who have outgrown forward-facing or convertible car seats but are still too small to be properly restrained by a vehicle's seatbelts. Many states have laws requiring booster seats for kids up to 8 years old and 80 pounds, or 4 feet 9 inches tall. The AAP states that kids should use a booster seat until the car's lap-and-shoulder belt fits properly, which is typically when they've reached 4 feet 9 inches in height and are between 8 and 12 years old. All 50 states and the District of Columbia have safety seat laws and more than half have booster seat laws. Ask your local government office or department of motor vehicles about child safety restraint laws in your state. Even if your state does not require booster seats for older children, put safety first when traveling with your grandkids. Follow manufacturer recommendations and instructions and do not exceed weight limits. Cribs Use a firm crib mattress. To avoid suffocation hazards, keep soft objects and loose bedding out of the crib, including pillows, quilts, comforters, sheepskins, stuffed toys, etc. Cribs manufactured after 1974 meet current safety standards, including slats that are no more than 2-3/8 inches apart so that infants can't get their heads stuck. A crib that has been in the family for generations may not be suitable or safe — cribs made before 1974 may be covered in lead paint, have slats that are too far apart, or pose other safety hazards. Before using a crib, check the side rails for locking devices. Remove mobiles when an infant is 5 months old or can get on his or her hands and knees. Toys Guidelines published by the U.S. Consumer Products Safety Commission (CPSC) can help you determine which toys are age-appropriate for your grandkids. You may think that because a grandchild seems mature, he or she can handle a toy that was meant for an older child. But that's not a good idea, as age guidelines for toys are determined by developmental appropriateness as well as safety. When you shop, look for sturdy, well-made toys that don't pose choking hazards. Cribs, toys, and equipment you might have used with your kids may have sentimental value, but often aren't safe options now. Walkers Doctors strongly discourage the use of walkers (devices with wheeled frames and suspended seats that allow babies to propel themselves forward using their feet). Infant walkers don't let infants walk any sooner than they would without one and they pose a high risk of injury, particularly from falls down stairs that may result in serious head injuries. Infant walkers also allow access to hazards normally out of reach and they don't give babies the necessary pulling up, creeping, or crawling experiences that are the foundation for later movement. Stationary walkers are a safer alternative, but limit the amount of time spent in them. Helmets Helmets save lives and prevent serious head injuries so make sure that your grandkids always wear one when riding a tricycle or bicycle. Many states and local municipalities have laws that require kids to wear helmets every time they ride their bikes. Fortunately, helmets are now being made in colors and styles that appeal to kids, so they're not as much of a hard sell as they once were. Make sure that your grandchild's helmet fits well. Be a positive role model (and protect your own head) by wearing your helmet, too. Helmets should also be used for skating sports such as skateboarding, rollerskating, and inline skating. The AAP recommends that kids always wear helmets and wrist, elbow, and knee padding for those sports. Strangulation Hazards Babies and toddlers can strangle or become entrapped in the most unexpected ways — curtain cords, strings on clothing, and infant furniture and accessories can be dangerous. Reduce the risk of strangulation by not putting necklaces or headbands on your grandkids and not dressing them in clothes with drawstrings, which can get caught on play equipment and furniture. And while it may be handy, don't tie a pacifier around your grandchild's neck or tether it clothing. Tie up all window blind and drapery cords so that they aren't within kids' reach, and avoid having telephone cords that dangle to the floor. While mobiles that dangle above the crib can offer babies great visual stimulation, they should be removed by 5 months of age or once your grandchild can get on his or her hands and knees. Be sure to install safety gates but don't use old accordion-style ones, which can trap a child's head. Choking Hazards Putting things in their mouths is one of the ways that babies and youngsters explore their worlds. But certain foods, toys, and other small objects that we probably take for granted can easily lodge in a their little airways. Common choking hazards for kids under 4 years old include foods like peanuts, popcorn, raw carrots and other raw vegetables, hard fruits, whole grapes or cherries, or hard candies. Watch out for small plastic toys that come from vending machines or parts of older siblings' toys, such as (Barbie) doll shoes or small construction pieces (like Leggos). Be especially vigilant during adult parties, when nuts and other foods might be easily accessible to small hands. Clean up promptly and carefully, and check the floor for dropped foods that can cause choking. Make sure small refrigerator magnets and other small items are out of kids' reach. Childproofing the House Supervision is always the best way to keep grandkids safe. But it's also wise to childproof your home. Walk through your house with an eye for anything that may be unsafe for kids, including tools, knives, and choking hazards. For babies and toddlers, put outlet covers on all of the outlet plates. And don't forget safety latches and locks for cabinets and drawers in the kitchen and bathroom. Look for products that adults can easily install and use, but which are sturdy enough to withstand pulls and tugs from children. Safety latches and child-resistant packaging are not guarantees of protection, so be sure to keep medicines, household cleaners, and other dangerous substances locked away and out of reach. Consider doorknob covers and door locks to help keep kids away from places with hazards, like bathrooms and swimming pools. Child safety products are typically sold at drugstores, big-box stores, and hardware stores. Lead Exposure It's important to do what you can to reduce kids' exposure to sources of lead, particularly if they're younger than 3 years old. Lead, which is in paint, soil, and other household areas, has been linked to physical and behavioral problems. Though the government banned lead-based paint and gasoline in the 1970s, many older homes, toys, cribs, and even some furniture are covered in lead-based paint because they were painted before the ban. If you live in an older house, chances are that lead-based paint was used at some time. To minimize exposure to lead-based paint chips, use a wet cloth to wipe windowsills and walls, and watch for water damage that can make the paint peel. And limit your grandchild's exposure if you have major renovations done. Be sure that your grandkids wash their hands before eating, after playing outside, and at bedtime. Your doctor or local health department can provide more tips. Older Furniture When grandkids comes over to stay with you, don't use old cribs or baby furniture that your own kids might have used many years ago. Though these items may have served your kids just fine and have undeniable nostalgic appeal, they may not meet current safety standards, might be covered in lead paint, and may be worn down. Equipment needs to be in good condition and up to current safety standards. Internet Safety The Internet can be a great resource, and your grandkids may astound you with their ability to navigate a computer keyboard or an Internet search engine. As technology has improved, it's become an integral part of school and kids' lives. But it's important to reduce risks that kids might be exposed to online. Online tools can restrict access to adult material and protect your grandchild from Internet predators. Many Internet service providers (ISPs) provide parent-control options to block certain material from coming into a computer. Software also can help block access to certain sites based on a "bad site" list that your ISP creates. Filtering programs can block sites from coming in and restrict your grandchild's personal information from being sent online. Also, it's wise to create a screen name that protects a child's real identity. And consider adding house rules for computer use, such as: never give your name or address on the computer and never click on pop-up ads or offers to buy things. Emergency Information Be prepared in case you need to take your grandchild to the doctor or hospital. It's important to know a child's medical history, including any allergies and any medication your grandchild may be taking. Also have information about the child's insurance coverage and written permission from the parents authorizing you to seek medical care for the child. Numbers to know: Poison Control: 1-800-222-1222. If you have a poisoning emergency, call for the poison control center in your area. Police/ambulance: If your grandchild has collapsed or is not breathing, call 911 or local emergency numbers. Phone number for your grandchild's doctor. Parents' work and cell phone numbers.                                                                                                                       This information was provided by Willis-Knighton Health System. For more medically reviewed health information written for parents, kids, and teens visit <www.wkhs.com>. ©2008 The Nemours Foundation/KidsHealth.

Do You Feel Invisible?

Do you often feel that you're invisible to your grandkids?After spending a day cajoling, reasoning, threatening and even screaming in an attempt to get your kids to behave, you may feel as if they never listen to you, much less respond. But all that talking is precisely the problem. If you feel like you're invisible, you're probably way too audible. When it comes to discipline, silence often speaks louder than words.

Many parents complicate the job of discipline by setting for themselves two goals instead of just one. Their first goal is to get the kids to do what they're supposed to do, which is fine. But when kids don't respond right away, many parents add a second goal: getting the youngsters to accept, agree with, or even like the discipline. Thus the reasoning, lecturing and explaining begin.

All this extra talk accomplishes only two things--both of them bad. First, it aggravates the kids, and second, it says to the children that they really don't have to behave unless you give them four or five reasons why they should.

One explanation is fine. The mistake is trying to reason with them as if they are "little adults," and too often adult logic does not impress or motivate young children. Once you say "No" to an obnoxious behavior, you should save your breath. Further pleading will irritate you more and give the child a chance to continue the battle--and the behavior.

Source: 1-2-3 Magic Newsletter, April 2012

The Internet as a Grandparenting Resource

The internet provides much information and support for grandparents who are raising their grandchildren.  Below are a few sites that you may want to check out:

AARP Grandparent Information Center provides a wide variety of resources for grandparents, as well as technical support materials to community-based groups and service agencies working with grandparents: www.aarp.org/families/grandparents
American Bar Association’s Center for Children and Law can provide answers to legal aspects of raising grandchildren: www.abanet.org/child/home.html
The American Self-Help Clearinghouse is a nationwide computerized database that offers tips on how to start your own grandparent self-help group, and a listing of local self-help clearinghouses in your area: www.selfhelpgroups.org
Colorado Legal Services provides legal advise on raising grandchildren, including taxes and health care: www.coloradolegalservices.org/CO/index.cfm
Colorado Office of Resource and Referral Agencies, Inc., provides a comprehensive source to aid in the search for child-care: www.corra.org
Creative Grandparenting has a mission to connect the generations: www.creativegrandparenting.org
The Foundation for Grandparenting has innovative ideas for grandparents as parents and a large selection of books: www.grandparenting.org
Grandparents as Parents helps individuals network with other grandparents: http://home1.gte.net/res02wo7
Grandparent Foundation is involved in education, research, programming, and networking around grandparenting: www.grandparenting.org
Grandparents Resource Center works with grandparents and family members to facilitate harmony and foster intergenerational relationships, providing broader security for children in the family: http://grc4usa.org
The Grandparent Rights Organization is a grandparenting rights advocacy group: www.grandparentsrights.org
Grandparents Who Care is an organization designed to help grandparents with visitation problems: www.grandparentswhocare.com
National Center for Grandparents Raising Grandchildren has a mission to improve the quality of life for intergenerational kinship care families via education, advocacy, and the promotion of sound legislation: http://chhs.gsu.edu/nationalcenter
Social Security Benefits for Grandchildren provides advise on social security benefits: www.ssa.gov/kids/parent5.htm

A Grandparent's Guide to Social Networking

You've probably heard the names - Facebook, Google, SnapChat and other social networking websites. Many of these websites have become an online craze for both teens and adults.

You've probably also heard stories about how pedophiles and other criminals are actively surfing these websites, looking for their next victim, or how people are having their identities stolen after posting too much information online. The good news is that you can protect yourself and your loved ones relatively easily if you know how.

>Talk to your grandchildren about the risks. Explain that online information and images can live forever.
>Tell your grandchildren not to post any identifying personal information online.
>Explain that anyone in the world can access what they post online.
>Remind your grandchildren never to give out their passwords to anyone, but you -- not even their friends.
>Make sure that your grandchildren understand that some people they meet online may not be who they say they are.


Source: Grandparents Raising Grandchildren of Brevard County Florida, Inc.

Kids Need Boundaries

The demanding part of the parenting/grandparenting equation implies not only that parents ask more of their kids, but also that parents ask more of themselves. We often follow the misguided belief that self-esteem and creativity are both higher when children can "do their own thing" and when they are not exposed to external limits imposed by adults.

On the contrary, kids feel better about themselves and perform better, creatively and otherwise, when they learn the boundaries for reasonable behavior. The world has all kinds of limits and rules, and parents are the ones who introduce children to life's boundaries. How parents establish rules and set limits--or fail to set limits--has a tremendous effect on the self-esteem of a child. Your kids may not like all the rules and regulations you must teach them, but if they don't recognize and work within these constraints, they will get hurt badly.

However, not all self-esteem building strategies involve unpleasant or hard work. One of the best "tactics" for encouraging healthy self-respect in children is fun. We need to take time with our kids. Keep in mind that one-on-one time having fun together is one of the most potent self-esteem builders. that's one parent/grandparent with one child. Kids really like having a parent all to themselves.

Source: 1-2-3 Magic Newsletter, February 2012

Your Grandchild's Self-Esteem: Are You Helping or Hurting?

What does it take to raise competent, good-natured children who can feel a healthy respect for themselves? Research has shown over and over that good parenting involves two basic components. One will not surprise you, but the other one may catch you off guard.


We are very aware today that children are born with different personalities and temperaments that are not created by their parents. Nevertheless, parents (and caretakers) do make a difference, and here in the United States we need to get back on track regarding what children's self-esteem is really about.


What are the two parenting ingredients that make for good self-esteem? First, good parents are warm and sensitive to a child's needs. They understand their child's positive as well as negative feelings. They are comforting in times of crisis and pain, as well as appreciative in times of triumph and accomplishment. They are supportive of a child's individuality and encourage his or her growing independence.

That's no big news flash.

What we often overlook, though, is that good parents are also demanding. They clearly communicate high--but not unrealistic--expectations for their children's behavior. Good behavior and achievements are appreciated and reinforced when they occur. When the kids act up, on the other hand, Mom and Dad respond with firm limits, but not with fits of temper or righteous indignation. After a child makes a mistake, the parents' message is, "I'm sure you'll do better next time."

Parents who child-rearing philosophy involves both warmth and "demandingness" tend to produce competent children. There are of course no guarantees, but their kids will have a better chance of becoming more self-reliant, self-controlled and happier. They will have a better chance of being accepted and well liked by their peers, and of having a sense of belonging.

Sometimes, though, parents have blinders on. We're so busy, we don't have time--or take the time--to do some of the things that will really foster self-esteem. Such as what? Such as helping our children develop social skills and academic and physical competence. Your kids' self-esteem is ultimately going to be earned or not earned in the real world--not in a fantasy world.

Source: 1-2-3 Magic Newsletter, February 2012

Avoid the Talk-Persuade-Argue-Yell-Hit Syndrome

Dr. Thomas W. Phelan has good advice for caretakers of children, whether you are the parent or grandparent in his newsletter article:

Many adults enter parenthood with visions of "picture perfect" children. They imagine a warm and loving home, as well as respectful and polite kids, all eagerly doing whatever is asked with only an occasional explanation from Mom or Dad.
As a veteran parent, you know this is not reality. But many parents have the idea that kids are just smaller versions of adults: reasonable and unselfish. This is the "Little Adult Assumption." Moms and Dads who embrace this myth often prefer the "modern method" of discipline—talking and reasoning. Unfortunately, many times words and reasons alone prove unsuccessful. Sometimes they have no impact at all, and then parent and child fall into the trap known as the Talk-Persuade-Argue-Yell-Hit Syndrome.
This tragic sequence results from the very best of parental intentions. Your child is doing something you don't like. You tell her to stop. She continues her misbehavior, so you try persuading her to see things your way. When persuasion fails, you start arguing. When arguing is not successful, you yell. Yelling fails, so—feeling there is nothing left to do—some parents turn to hitting. The two biggest parenting mistakes—too much talking and too much emotion—trigger the Talk-Persuade-Argue-Yell-Hit Syndrome.

Changing Kids’ Behavior Begins By Changing Your Expectations

If you have a child who is doing something you don't like, get real upset about it on a regular basis and sure enough he'll repeat it for you. Too much yelling and too much anger on the part of a parent are destructive for several reasons. First, they move the focus off of the child's misbehavior and on to the parent's own outburst. Second, many children take the emotional eruption of a parent as a challenge to a fight, and there are plenty of kids who love a good fight. Third, parents who over explain and give three, four or five reasons to a child to encourage right behavior are almost saying "You really don't have to behave unless I can give a number of good arguments as to why you should." This is not discipline, it is begging, and the shrewd enough child will simply take issue with the parent's reasons.
Changing children's behavior often begins by changing parents' expectations of their children. Trying to teach young children appropriate behavior is actually closer to training than it is to teaching "little adults." This means choosing a method and repeating it consistently until the "trainee" does what the trainer wants. Very little of the training involves extensive verbal explanations. Most important, the trainer remains calm, patient and gentle, but also persistent and firm. Keep in mind, children need consistency and repetition in a warm and loving environment.

Source: 1-2-3Magic.com, The 1-2-3 Magic Parenting Newsletter, May 2013

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Telling Stories to Your Grandchild

Webster defines a story as, “A narrative, in prose or verse, designed to interest, amuse or instruct the listener.”
How many times as a child did you beg a parent or grandparent to “tell me a story.”  And yet, the art of storytelling seems to be a dying one.
These days our grandchildren are more apt to say, “read me a story.”  And believe me, I am a great advocate of reading to children.  However, watch a child’s face if you offer to tell a story instead.  An excitement sparks their eyes and a kind of magic spell settles over the scene.
“But,” you may say, “I don’t know any stories. Where can I get them?”  For the sake of simplicity, let us try to confine the origins of stories to three categories:

1. Handed-down tales which would include folklore, ethnic lore, parables, and fables (such as Aesop’s) told to generation after generation.
2. Personal experience. These kind of stories usually start with, “When I was a little boy/girl, a funny thing happened,” etc.  They can include war or adventure stories that happened to you personally, showing how things were in “olden” days.
3. Make believe. Children eat up good, old-time fantasizing.  Try your hand at it.  Let your  creativity have free rein.  The results can be amazing.  The sillier and more nonsensical, the better.

To help you compose your story, let’s start with a Halloween story as an example.  Which of the above categories works best for recreating a hobgoblin or haunted house tale for you?

1. What scary stories did your parents or grandparents tell you?  What ghost stories did you read as a child that you can now recall well enough to tell your grandchildren? Some that come to mind are “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow,” “Blackbeard’s Ghost,” and one of my personal favorites, the old campfire ghost story, “Things That Go Bump in the Night.”
2. Did you ever explore a haunted house as a child? Do you have any spooky or funny memories from your own trick-or-treat past?  Do you have any superstitions involving broken mirrors or walking under ladders that you could relate?
3. Get the old creative juices flowing. But remember to temper the tale according to the age of the child.  No need to go into blood, violence and terror here.  A delicious shiver up the spine will work just fine.

Neither are we advocating black magic, witchcraft or voodoo incantations.  But a witch who can’t get her broom started or whose bubbling brews always seem to backfire on her can bring giggles and goose bumps at the same time.
Another time-proven technique is to make your grandchild or grandchildren the focus of the story.  Kids love to hear stories about themselves.  Even if the story is not directly about the child, the child will recognize this.  And if all else fails, you can always simply recount stories of when the child was a tiny baby.  Most kids love that stuff.
So put on your thinking cap, brush out the cobwebs from your belfry and become a real, live storyteller.
And remember, if your grandchildren don’t live close enough to sit on your knee, the tape recorder is a wonderful tool for sharing stories long distance.
This article is reprinted  with permission from “Grandparents’ Little Dividends News,” the newsletter of the Grandparents’ Little Dividends Club.

Fun Learning Activities for You and Your Grandchildren

Have you ever heard, "I'm bored!" from your grandchildren? What can you do with your grandchildren that will keep them entertained and learning at the same time? Watching television and playing video games are easy distractions, but not the best solutions for boredom. What children want more than anything else is time with you. There are plenty of things to do that are entertaining, teach important skills, and give you and your grandchildren a chance to spend some fun time together.

When you spend time having fun with your grandchildren, you do more than just take care of boredom. If you are actively involved in their learning at home, your grandchildren are more likely to become successful learners both in and out of school. The earlier you begin working with your grandchildren, the more responsive they will be to learning.

For more information and some inexpensive ideas for fun and learning follow this link:
http://www.fcs.uga.edu/ext/pubs/chfd/CHFD-E-59-12.pdf

There are many different ways to keep you and your grandchildren busy and learning all year round. Carve out time to do fun activities together. Remember that fun doesn't have to be expensive--spending time together is the best think you can do for your grandchildren.

Source: Grandparents Raising Grandchildren, The Cooperative Extension, The University of Georgia