Choosing Child Care for Your Grandchild

Choosing Child Care

Grandparents who find themselves raising their grandchildren may still be working outside the home or have other commitments that would require the use of childcare. It has now become your responsibility to ensure that your grandchild is safe and happy in a child care environment that is fun, educational, and nurturing. Here are some tips for making such an important decision.

Your Grandchild and Family

Most important is to know your own grandchild's temperament, likes and dislikes, health, interests, and behavior. For a baby under 1 year old, give careful attention to your child's need to be nurtured and held, any special health needs, and the type of person you want to care for your child during the first year of life. For an older child, developing play and learning styles, interaction with other kids, intellectual curiosity, and need for individualized attention should be considered.
The family's own values and emotional needs also come into play. Some grandparents are overly anxious about leaving their very young child with one person, while others prefer this individual care. But by age 3 or 4, it's good for kids to have at least some exposure to other kids and participate in a structured program like preschool or daycare.
Before choosing a care setting, you should be aware of the options available and consider cost, location, and reputation.

What to Look for

Make a list of qualities you're looking for in a caregiver or day care, such as experience, religious background, discipline beliefs, and flexibility. The International Nanny Association (INA) recommends that you interview any prospective hire at least twice and that you conduct a criminal background check, which is usually done by most placement agencies.
Besides inquiring about training in early childhood development, ask a potential nanny or au pair:

• Why are you interested in working with young children?
• Why did you leave your last job? (You should always check references; ask that family why the relationship ended and whether they would recommend that caregiver.)
• What is your discipline policy? (Offer "what if" scenarios. For example, if a child hits another child or throws a tantrum over a toy someone else is playing with, what should the consequences be?)
• How will you provide new experiences to enhance my child's mental and physical development? What opportunities can you offer to experience art, music, group and individual play, and indoor and outdoor play?
• How would you handle toilet teaching?
• How would you handle separation anxiety?

If you're considering a day care center or other group setting, spend some time observing the center and talking to parents with kids there. Ask these questions in addition to those above:

• Do you have an open-door policy on parent visits?
• What are alternative arrangements for care if the program closes? On what holidays is the center closed?
• What is your policy on caring for sick children?
• How do you monitor kids on the playground? How old is the equipment and has it recently been inspected?
• How are kids grouped? By age?
• Do you welcome children of varying ethnic, cultural, and religious backgrounds to the program? Do you include kids with special needs?
• What are the educational backgrounds of the teachers?

In evaluating the responses to your questions, carefully consider how the philosophy of child rearing, discipline, and nurturing meshes with your personal vision of how your child should be guided and cared for each day.
Finally, do you have a sense of trust in this person or program? Do you believe that your child will be happy and have the opportunity to learn and grow in this environment?
If none of the candidates meet your expectations, don't settle for best of the worst. Instead, review your job requirements, begin your search again, and consider asking neighborhood parents or coworkers for recommendations.

In-Home Care

Some parents prefer the one-on-one contact an in-home care provider can offer, especially for an infant. Parents or couples with full-time careers may find that their work schedules require them to hire an in-home care provider for their child. Trying to juggle overtime, business trips, and child care demands can be impossible without live-in help. If you do need to hire a nanny or au pair, seek the services of licensed agencies with experience.
A nanny is someone who works on a live-in or live-out basis performing child care and perhaps some minimal household duties related to child care. Usually unsupervised during the day, the nanny has a workweek that is typically 40 to 60 hours. Nannies hired through agencies usually have minimal training in caring for young children.
An au pair also provides in-home care and lives with the family and cares for the child under the direct supervision of the parents. He or she often seeks work far away from home, as a kind of cultural learning experience. Au pairs often assist with light housework and work about 40 to 60 hours per week. Au pairs, who usually are young, may or may not have any child care training or experience.

The Fine Print

Once you've hired a caregiver, draw up a specific contract outlining expected duties, hours, salary, paid vacation, and sick leave; include parental obligations as part of that contract. Establish a review date within a few months to discuss how the arrangement is working and to fine-tune the agreement. Observe the caregiver's interaction with your child routinely and unexpectedly.

Warning Signs

Here are signs to look for if you suspect that your child is being mistreated:

• The caregiver has lied to you or stolen from you.
• He or she does not answer questions about the daily routine.
• You come home to find your child unsupervised.
• The caregiver does not respond to your child.
• Your child becomes moody or withdrawn or has problems eating or sleeping.
• Your child suddenly becomes upset when left with the caregiver.
• You simply have a bad feeling about the caregiver.

Parents should be sure the nanny or au pair has the support needed to be a positive caregiver, including adequate time off and opportunities to meet other caregivers in the area. Parents should always be available by phone or pager to answer emergency calls. In other words, work together and form a partnership for your child's care.

Out-of-Home Care

Out-of-home care includes day care centers (usually affiliated with a public or private agency such as a religious organization, corporation, or community center); family day care programs held in the caregiver's home; part-time child care programs such as preschools or play groups; and publicly funded preschool programs such as Head Start. These programs usually care for kids from birth to age 5.
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that one adult should have the primary responsibility for no more than one baby under 12 months of age in any care setting. Babies need positive, consistent caregivers who learn to recognize their unique cues for hunger, distress, and play. This kind of nurturing interaction contributes significantly to an infant's social and emotional growth.
For overall infant care, the AAP recommends a child to staff ratio of 3:1.

The AAP guidelines for child care are:
Age Birth-24 mos. 25-30 mos. 31-35 mos. 3 yrs. 4-5 yrs.	Child:Staff 3:1 4:1 5:1 7:1 8:1	Max. group size 6 8 10 14 16

Homes and Centers

Day care homes offer child care in the caregiver's home, often with a single adult supervising the children. Center-based care includes day care centers and preschools employing several adults to care for larger groups of children.
In either case, both the AAP and the National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC) recommend that the home or agency be licensed and regularly inspected. Caregivers should have basic training in CPR and early childhood development. There should also be clearly written policies on sick children and discipline. Voluntary accreditation with the NAEYC or the National Association for Family Child Care (NAFCC) usually indicates that the center is committed to providing quality care and must participate in ongoing child development programs.
Health, safety, and hygiene must be given priority in all settings. All kids and staff members should have current immunizations; staff should have clear criminal background checks. The facility must be childproofed and all staff members should wear disposable gloves when changing diapers. Toys should be disinfected regularly and frequent hand washing should be promoted among the staff and kids to minimize the spread of infection.
You should also expect that your child will be assigned to the same caregiver to promote a sense of security and consistency. Inquire about the rate of staff resignations; low staff turnover minimizes the need for young children to repeatedly adjust to new caregivers.

Preschools

Preschools, as the name indicates, provide an educational program for young children before starting kindergarten or elementary school. Many day care centers now also incorporate early childhood curricula into their programs. The NAEYC lists these 10 signs of a great preschool:

• Children spend most of their time playing and working with materials or with other kids.
• Kids have access to various activities throughout the day.
• Teachers work with individual kids, small groups, and the whole group at different times during the day.
• The classroom is decorated with children's original artwork and projects.
• Kids learn numbers and the alphabet in the context of their everyday experiences.
• Children work on projects and have long periods of time to play and explore.
• Worksheets are used rarely, if at all.
• Kids have an opportunity to play outside in a safe play area every day.
• Teachers read books to kids individually or in small groups.
• Curricula are adapted for those who are ahead as well as those who need additional help.
• Children and their parents look forward to school.

Children With Special Needs

Federal law guarantees special education and related services to kids with disabilities from birth through age 5. Special services such as speech and physical and occupational therapy can now be brought into day care centers or preschools so that children with special needs can be included in "regular" care settings.
Early intervention services can be coordinated through your local Office of Mental Health/Mental Retardation for kids up to age 3 and through your state's Department of Education for ages 3 to 5.

At the End of the Day

After all your research, interviewing, and observing, you may need to reassure yourself that leaving your child in the care of someone else is what works best for your family.
Make the most of your time with your child. When you get home at the end of the workday, keep your time free and easy. Give yourselves and your kids time to relax and cuddle. That can be a wonderful interactive time and it reduces stress for the whole family.
It is also recommended that guilt-ridden parents use positive self-statements, such as "I am still a good mom or dad" and "My child is having wonderful experiences." Recognize the advantages of quality child care — kids are developing relationships with other kids and learning give and take.
Daily reports about the child's day and frequent onsite visits can help you to track progress and reassure you that your child is being nurtured and having fun.
Just as you need to feel confident in the caregivers, kids need time to adjust. Young infants up to 7 months old generally adapt quickly to caring adults; older infants may suffer from "stranger anxiety" and need extra time and parental reassurance. Many toddlers and preschoolers go through adjustment periods involving tears, pouting, and tantrums as they settle in. Visits with you, favorite objects (a familiar blanket or teddy bear, for example) in the child's backpack, and the reassurance that you will return at the end of the day can help the adjustment.
However, if your child is not happy and flourishing in child care, reassess the program or individual caregiver. Realize that bad days may happen from time to time; one bad day does not equal a bad day care facility or caregiver. But if problems persist, look for another arrangement as soon as possible. This will help your child boost your child's mental, physical, and social development, trust in other adults, and sense of self-worth.
Source: KidsHealth.org

Building Strong Families - Good Communication

Good family communication opens the doors to healthy relationships. However, genuine communication is not always easy. It takes heartfelt commitment and effort by everyone in the family. Below are a few characteristics of good family communication.

Be a good listener

Being a good listener means giving a person your undivided attention without interruptions. It means stopping and thinking before judging or reacting.
Jumping to conclusions can occur when we fail to listen to what another person is saying—we hear what we want to hear instead of what is actually said. To avoid this barrier, you need to make a commitment to listen, understand, and hold off on making a quick judgment.

Use kind words

Nothing destroys communication faster than the use of unkind words. When you use unkind words, people tend not to listen to you. They close up and are less likely to share their true feelings. Avoid words that ridicule, shame, and discourage family members. By focusing on the positive traits of each family member, you help create a climate of mutual love, respect, and good communication.

Take the other's perspective

When you communicate with your grandchildren, it's important to recognize and express your understanding of their feelings. When we only listen to a child's words we may miss the meaning of what is actually said. For example, a child's "I don't care," may mean "I'm frustrated, angry or sad." The key to understanding what the other person feels is to acknowledge his or her feelings. You might say, "You really seem upset," or "Your pain must be awful." When someone takes the time to understand our feelings, it can help us to feel loved and safe.
Developing the knowledge and skills required to have strong relationships takes practice and commitment. It's certainly not an easy task. But, be assured that the benefits outweigh all the hard work that is needed. The ways you guide and interact with your family will make a lasting impact on your grandchildren.


Source:  IFAS Extension, The University of Florida

Building Strong Families - Ability to Adapt

Learning to adapt to change takes practice. It is not easy when you have a set way of believing or doing things. Adapting means making compromises and perhaps changing the way you react to situations. Make sure you choose your battles wisely and consider what's most important in your grandchild's development.
For example, suppose you always have dinner ready at 5 p.m. Your grandchild has recently decided she wants to join the school band and will not get home till 6 p.m. Do you: a) change dinner time on band nights, or b) tell her she can't join the school band? What if your 15-year-old grandson decides to grow his hair long and you dislike how it looks? Do you: a) tell him while living with you, he is not allowed to have long hair, or b) permit him to have long hair because you realize this is a harmless way of expressing himself?
If you answer a) change dinner time on school nights, and b) permit him to have long hair, you have shown adaptability. By being adaptable, you're well on your way to building strong relationships. Remember, change is inevitable. By adjusting to new situations you can prevent unnecessary conflict.

Source: IFAS Extension Service, The University of Florida

Building Strong Families - Healthy Limits

Healthy limits

Healthy limits need to be established when sharing feelings, setting expectations, and giving choices to your grandchildren. Healthy limits may include rules that reflect your beliefs and values as well as boundaries that help you distinguish your needs from the needs of your grandchildren.

Sharing feelings

How do you know if what you want to share with your grandchildren is appropriate? You must consider how it will affect your grandchildren. If you were to tell your grandchildren the details of your experience, would they become confused, burdened, or overwhelmed? If so, it's probably not a good idea to share these details. Remember, sharing feelings is important. However, be selective and careful about sharing adult details so as not to create an unhealthy boundary.

Setting expectations

How do you know if the expectations you have for your grandchildren are appropriate? The best way to know is to better understand the stages of child development (See a Crash Course in Child Development on this blog). For example, it would be inappropriate to let your granddaughter, age 7, decide when to go to bed. At 7 years old, your granddaughter does not have the ability to understand the consequences of going to bed late. On the other hand, negotiating a bed time with your 14-year-old grandson would be more appropriate because he can understand the consequences of going to bed late and likely needs to feel he has a say in making some decisions. Having realistic expectations for your grandchildren's behavior will help you establish household rules that are both consistent and flexible.

Giving choices

How do you know when to give choices to your grandchild? First, it is important to consider your grandchildren's safety: Will they still be safe if they are free to make a particular decision? Next, you need to consider the role you play in giving choices. Taking too much control of your grandchildren's decisions may lead to over-dependence and difficulty making independent decisions as they mature. On the other hand, being permissive can lead to too much independence and can result in the failure to recognize negative consequences for actions. So, how do you find the balance? Begin by asking yourself the following questions:
If I realize my behavior is too controlling...

·         Can I trust my grandchild to do what he is ready to do?

·         Am I willing to let her make safe decisions and learn from her mistakes?

·         Can I let go for the sake of creating a healthy relationship?

If I realize my behavior is too permissive...

·         Am I aware of the importance in guiding my grandchild's choices?

·         Am I willing to provide support in helping him make decisions?

·         Am I willing to play an active role in her life for the sake of creating a strong relationship?

Source:

IFAS Extension, The university of Florida

Building Strong Families

Strong families are defined as having positive beliefs and values, appropriate rules and boundaries, the ability to adapt, and good communication. This is true for any type of family, including grandparents who are parenting their grandchildren.

Beliefs and values

Sharing similar values unites and strengthens the family. Although values may differ among families, strong families are similar in that they share time together, have a commitment to each other, and take a positive outlook, even in challenging situations.

Time together

When you make time together a priority, you show that you appreciate your grandchildren. Family time can be as simple as reading to your grandchildren or playing with them outside. Creating family traditions such as making Sunday-morning breakfasts together, or taking evening walks, or celebrating holidays and birthdays, are all ways of spending time together. Other activities you can enjoy together are sharing hobbies, participating in outdoor activities, and playing board games. Taking part in activities together creates lasting memories and strengthens bonds between family members.

Commitment

Family members who are committed to one another are able to keep promises and support one another through rough times. Commitment takes time and effort to build. You can't expect it to blossom overnight. However, by sticking with a difficult family situation even when it seems hopeless, you can begin to develop this family value.

Positive outlook

There's no doubt that during tough times it is sometimes difficult to be optimistic. As the family leader you can help your family find something positive in every situation and build a stronger family in the process.
One way of building a positive outlook is through remaining hopeful and focusing on the positive strengths of each family member. For example, you can share with your grandchildren all the things they did well that day. Another way of building a positive outlook is to avoid a way of thinking that expects that your grandchildren ought to, should, or must behave a certain way. When you accept your grandchildren for who they are and where they are developmentally, rather than who you think they should be, you are able to avoid negative thinking that leads to a negative outlook. If you can be a good example of positive thinking, your family is more likely to develop a positive outlook, too.

Source: IFAS Extension, University of Florida

Needing Inspiration?

Are you needing inspiration?  Taking on the challenges of raising your grandchildren can bring moments of fatigue, depression, loss of confidence and even desperation.  Follow this link to "Grand Successes" provided by Generations United to read personal testimonies of Kelli Pickler, Jamie Foxx, Naomi Porter and others who were positively influenced by their grandmothers.  You can make a difference!

http://www2.gu.org/LinkClick.aspx?fileticket=0iTKo-4Hf1E%3d&tabid=157&mid=606

Parents In and Out of Children's Lives

My grandchildren get upset by their parents coming in and out of their lives. What should I do?

It is up to you to set boundaries to provide stability for your grandchild. Many children want to spend time with their parents, but end up feeling let down if their parents are erratic and unreliable. If life isn't stable, your grandchildren may be confused and feel badly about themselves. Sometimes this can cause behavior problems or mental health issues for your grandchildren.

• It might be helpful to ask an objective third party to help you work out a schedule for visits with the parents, along with rules and responsibilities. Try to be flexible but have clear limits or boundaries. Work together to do what's best for your grandchildren; their needs are top priority. A trained mediator can help, or a trained faith professional, counselor or family friend.
  
  
•  If you go to court for custody or guardianship, you can ask the court to set up a regular schedule for when and where your grandchildren's parents can spend time with them (visitation). Sometimes the court says parents can only have "supervised" visitation, which means they cannot be alone with the child. 
  
  
•  If you hope that your grandchildren's parents will one day be able to raise your grandchildren again, keep in mind that it's helpful for the children to have an ongoing relationship with their parents — even if it is rocky at times.

From: Grandfamilies Guide, aarp.org

Playing with Your Grandchild Is Important

Have you ever heard, "I'm bored!" from your grandchildren?  What can you do with your grandchildren that will keep them entertained and learning at the same time? Watching television and playing video games are easy distractions, but not the best solutions for boredom. What children want more than anything else is time with you. There are plenty of things to do that are entertaining, teach important skills, and give you and your grandchildren a chance to spend some fun time together.

When you spend time having fun with your grandchildren, you do more than just take care of boredom. If you are actively involved in their learning at home, your grandchildren are more likely to become successful learner both in and out of school. The earlier you begin working with your grandchildren, the more resonsive they will be to learning.

Be sure to include plenty of time for free play in your grandchildren's lives. Young children learn best through play. Adults tend to think of play as unimportant, but it's actually one of the best ways for children to explore and experience new things. Just a few of the skills that children can learn through play are:
-Figuring out how things work and solving problems
-Comparing and contrasting different objects
-Learning to understand and use language
-Building muscle strength and coordination
-Practicing control of their bodies
-Developing imagination and expressing creativity
-Learning about themselves, others, and the world
-Expressing their feelings in healthy ways
-Increasing their ability to concentrate

Children us a combination of skills and abilities during play. Children building with blocks can learn to plan, develop coordination and balance, use language to describe what they are building, and cooperate with their siblings and friends.

For some great low cost toys and activities check out this site:

http://www.fcs.uga.edu/ext/pubs/chfd/CHFD-E-59-12.pdf

From The Cooperative Extension, The University of Georgia

GrandFacts

About
GrandFacts

Across the United States, almost 7.8 million children are living in homes where grandparents or other relatives are the householders, with more than 5.8 million children living in grandparents’ homes and nearly 2 million children living in other relatives’ homes. These families are often called “grandfamilies.”


More than 2.5 million grandparents are taking on the responsibility for these children. Many other relatives also take on this responsibility, although data are not available on other relatives. Often they assume this responsibility with neither of the children’s parents present in the home. In fact, nearly 1 million children are living in homes where the grandparent is the householder and neither parent is present in the home (comparable data are not available for children living in homes where another relative is the householder and neither parent is present.)

These grandparent and other relative caregivers and the children they are raising are often isolated. They lack information about the range of support services, resources, programs, benefits, laws and policies available to help them successfully fulfill their caregiving role. In addition, to better serve children, families and older adults, educators and program practitioners need access to information about these key resources. Policy makers also seek information and education about the issues facing these “grandfamilies.” Therefore, in a unique national partnership, AARP, Brookdale Foundation Group, Casey Family Programs, Child Welfare League of America, Children's Defense Fund and Generations United have created the GrandFacts: State Fact Sheets for Grandparents and Other Relatives Raising Children.

GrandFacts State Fact Sheets for Grandparents and Other Relatives Raising Children are funded in part by AARP Foundation and  Verizon Thinkfinity.

Helping Your Grandchildren Succeed in School

 All grandparents want their grandchildren to do well in school. Your grandchild doesn't have to be the smartest child in the class to succeed in school. School success requires good study skills and habits, self-confidence, and the ability to make friends. And children are much more likely to succeed in school when their families support their learning at home. How do you support your grandchildren in doing their homework? How can you help them feel good about their ability to learn? What do you do if they have trouble making friends? Some basic ideas for supporting your grandchildren in school can be found at this link:


http://www.fcs.uga.edu/ext/pubs/chfd/CHFD-E-59-11.pdf

From The Cooperative Extension, The University of Georgia

Helping Your Preschooler Be Ready for School

Going to pre-kindergarten or kindergarten is an important step in young children's lives. As a grandparent raising your young grandchildren, you may wonder how to help your four or five-year-old be ready for school. What do they need to be able to do? How can you help them learn the skills they need to succeed in school? Information at this link will help you prepare them for that important transition into elementary school:

http://www.fcs.uga.edu/ext/pubs/chfd/CHFD-E-59-10.pdf

From Grandparents Raising Grandchildren, Cooperative Extension, The University of Georgia

Understanding Relationships

Sometimes life events do not happen the way we plan. You probably never expected that one day you would be raising your grandchildren. As you take on this new role, there will be many changes in the relationships you have with family and friends.

Many of these changes can be positive, like developing new relationships with your grandchildren, adult child, or friends. However, some changes may be challenging. Life's challenges provide us with an opportunity for growth. These times can bring out the best in us as we rise to meet these new challenges.

 Follow this link to take a look at how your relationships with your partner, adult child, grandchild, and friends may change from before and after you started raising your grandchild:


http://edis.ifas.ufl.edu/fy435

U.S. Department of Agriculture, Cooperative Extension Service, University of Florida, IFAS, Florida A. & M. University Cooperative Extension Program, and Boards of County Commissioners Cooperating. Nick T. Place, Dean.

Reasons for Misbehavior

All children misbehave at times. Some throw temper tantrums, yell, scream, or hit. Others may disobey rules or fight with their brothers, sisters, or cousins. Kids are, by nature, curious and impulsive, and, as a result, they can find many ways to misbehave, especially when they are in new situations.

As a new parent for the second time, it is important to identify the reasons for your grandchild's misbehavior if you want to help. Knowing why your grandchild misbehaves can make a difficult situation easier to handle, opening the door to a more meaningful and positive relationship. The following link will provide much information regarding the reasons for children's misbehavior:

http://edis.ifas.ufl.edu/fy427


From The University of Florida IFAS Extension

Disciplining Your Grandchildren

How do you teach children to behave appropriately, even when you're not around? The key is effective, consistent discipline. Children are most likely to be well-adjusted when you combine warmth and love with clear rules and consistency. Children need to understand that you love and care for them. But they also need to know that there are rules they must follow and consequences for breaking those rules. Effective discipline requires lots of patience and understanding. Giving clear, positive messages and complimenting good behavior teaches them how to manage their own behavior both at home and when you're not around.

Follow the link below for guidelines for discipline:


http://www.fcs.uga.edu/ext/pubs/chfd/CHFD-E-59-14.pdf

From: Grandparents Raising Grandchildren, Cooperative Extension, The University of Georgia