The Grandparent - Grandchild Relationship

As grandparents we all want to make the most of the precious family time we get to spend with our grandchildren. You can create deep, loving relationships with your grandchildren by sharing the things you love and by learning about what excites them. Whether you’re a full-time grandparent, a step-grandparent, or a long distance grandparent living thousands of miles away, you can find new ways to strengthen family ties and provide your grandchildren with joyful memories and valuable life lessons.

What's so grand about being a grandparent?

In no particular order, grandparenting is an opportunity to play, to love someone new, to appreciate the magic of a developing mind, and to be needed by someone again. Grandparents can:

• Share the things they're passionate about with a new audience.
• See the world in a new way through younger eyes.
• Experience games, music, nature, reading, and other interests in conjunction with a curious young mind.
• Provide expanded support and encouragement to their grandchildren.
• Use their breadth of experience to avoid the pitfalls they may have encountered as parents the first time around.
• Watch children develop through all stages of growth.
• Learn about their grandkids' music and passions.
• Provide input that parents cannot.

Usually, grandparents have the benefit of interacting on a level that is once removed from the day-to-day responsibilities of parents. This can make it easier to develop a close bond with grandchildren. From near or far, grandparenting can provide continuity in a child's life. Grandparents are often the family historians, and can add a rich sense of family tradition to a child's life. Additionally, contact with grandparents can teach children positive attitudes towards aging and help them develop skills to enhance their own lifelong learning.
Of course, not everything about being a grandparent is great all of the time. Becoming a grandparent at a young age can make some people feel prematurely old and, just as parents do, grandparents sometimes have to deal with colicky babies and moody teenagers. For most though, the benefits of being a grandparent far outweigh the drawbacks.

The role of a grandparent in a child's life

There are as many different roles for grandparents as there are different family configurations and needs. Some grandparenting requires a full-time commitment. For others, grandparenting is a weekend together, an afternoon play date, a summer vacation, a chat on the phone, or an email exchange every now and then.
A good first step to a long and successful relationship with your grandchild is to establish some ground rules with your son or daughter:

• Be clear about what role you want to have in your grandchild's life. How often you want to babysit, for example, or whether you’d like to be included in events such as school functions.
• Talk with parents about their rules. Consistency is important for kids, so know the behavior limits your grandchild has to follow at home and maintain the rules when he or she is with you.
• Enforce any agreed upon punishment for bad behavior, whether it’s a “time out” or loss of privileges, for example.
• Baby proof your home, to ensure safety for infants and toddlers. It may have been a number of years since you had young children in your home, so it’s important to check with your grandchild’s parents about ways to baby proof your home to ensure they’re comfortable leaving the child with you.

Common grandparenting pitfalls to avoid

Whatever your specific circumstances, by expressing love, showing concern for your grandchild's safety and wellbeing, and being consistent in your behavior, you are already doing a good job of grandparenting.
To avoid potential conflict within your family, try to avoid these common grandparenting pitfalls:

• Trying to be the parent. As much as you might want to tell your children how to raise your grandkids, it’s not your role. Respect the parenting decisions your children make for your grandkids.
• Buying your grandkids’ affection. It’s tempting for grandparents to shower their grandkids with gifts, but check with the child's parents before you buy more toys. Maybe substitute some of your gift giving with activities instead. Do something with your grandchild that you both love and will build memories.
• Overindulging the first few grandchildren and then not being able to repeat it as additional grandchildren come along. This can cause resentment from your own children who have kids later in life. Remember that whatever you do for your first grandchild (college fund, beach vacations, trips to the zoo) will set a precedent that you’ll need to repeat for every other grandchild.
• Ignoring boundaries. A grandparent who won’t enforce limits and gives in to their grandchild’s every whim can infuriate parents. By allowing your grandkids to misbehave, overindulge in candy and junk food, or ignore bedtimes, for example, you’re only encouraging unhealthy behavior and making their parents’ job even harder. 

From HelpGuide.org - a trusted non-profit