Tip of the Day

Raising grandchildren tip 3: Your grandkids will have mixed feelings too

Moving to a new home is never easy, even in the best of circumstances. When children are dealing with the loss of regular contact with their parent or parents, the move is even harder. It will take some time for your grandchildren to adjust, and in the meantime, they may act especially contrary and difficult. And if the children have suffered from emotional neglect, trauma, or abuse, those wounds will not disappear just because they are now in a safe place. They will need time to heal.

• Your grandkids may resent being separated from their parent and wish to return, even if their home situation was dangerous or abusive. Don’t take this personally. The parent-child bond is powerful. Even if the children are old enough to understand that they’re better off with you, they will still miss their parent and struggle with feelings of abandonment.
• Your grandkids’ feelings may come out in many ways, including behavior. They may lash out with aggressive or inappropriate behavior, or they may withdraw and push you away.
• No matter their behavior, your grandkids need your comfort and support. If you start to get angry or upset, put yourself in their head. Picture what they’ve been through, and the confusion, mistrust, and fear they’re probably feeling.
• Remember that children often act out in a safe place. While it may feel like your grandchildren don't love or appreciate you sometimes, their behavior actually means they feel safe enough to express frightening emotions.
• When grandkids first arrive, they may be on their best behavior. Don’t be too discouraged if, after a brief “honeymoon” phase, they start to act out. This doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doing a bad job. As mentioned previously, this can be a sign that they finally feel secure enough to vent their true feelings. 

From HelpGuide.org - a trusted non-profit.