Winter Thought

On a cold wintery day, I think grandparents can relate to this posting from Grandparents.com.

Making the Holidays Less Materialistic

"The gimmes" are all around us during the holiday season. It can be hard for kids — and parents — to look beyond all of the product-driven hoopla and remember what the holidays are really about.
It's not the gifts but what's behind them that's important — the spirit of giving. Help your kids learn the fun of giving, and how rewarding it can be to look for, make, and wrap something special — or do something special — for people they care about and others who are in need.
Here are five ways to curb materialism in your kids and reinforce the real reason for the season:

1. Teach Kids to Question Marketing Messages

From the TV commercials during cartoons to the promos on the backs of cereal boxes, marketing messages target kids of all ages. And to them, everything looks ideal, like something they simply have to have. It all sounds so appealing — often, so much better than it really is.
The ads kids see around the holidays can help foster unrealistic expectations and lead to disappointment. After imagining their "wish list" items all around them, it's hard for reality to measure up when they actually open their gifts.
Of course, it's nearly impossible to eliminate all exposure to marketing messages. You can certainly turn off the TV or at least limit your kids' watching time, but they'll still see and hear ads for the latest gizmos and must-haves.
Explain, when your kids ask for products they see advertised, that commercials and other ads are designed to make people want things they don't necessarily need. And these ads are often meant to make us think that these products will make us happier somehow. Talking to kids about what things are like in reality can help put things into perspective.

• Ask what they think about the products they see advertised as you're watching TV, listening to the radio, reading magazines, or shopping together. Ask thought-provoking questions, such as "Do you think that product really looks, tastes, or works the same way as it seems to in the ad?"
• To limit exposure to TV commercials, experts recommend having kids watch public television stations, recorded programs (without the ads), and children's videos and DVDs.

Teach your kids that not everything they want can always be theirs and that a little "want" here and there isn't all bad. The key is to want things in moderation and to fully appreciate what you're given. Emphasize that the holidays are a special time, when a lot of love and thought is put into gift giving.

2. Focus on Family Traditions

Traditions that focus on family or friends can be a great way to put meaning back into the holidays. Here are a couple of ideas:

• Talk about which family traditions your family loves the most. Then figure out how you can put more emphasis on them. If you love the tradition of lighting the menorah, get together as a group to make your own candles. If you enjoy the family trip to pick out a tree, make it an all-day event and head to a tree farm to choose your own.
• Find out what the holidays mean to others. Have your kids talk to a grandparent, parent, uncle, or aunt about how they spent the holidays growing up. Some holiday traditions that used to be strong — such as neighborhood caroling — are all but lost today. Maybe you'd like to revive some of these as a way to share some holiday spirit with your family, friends, or community.
• Build some new traditions. If you don't have any family traditions, it's never too late to start. Get together around activities that you all enjoy, such as cooking or ice-skating. Ask your kids what they would enjoy doing every year and make an effort to do it. If you can't all decide on one thing, make traditions out of several, so that everyone feels like part of the festivities.

3. Teach Kids to Give of Themselves

Volunteerism, especially around the holidays, offers an ideal opportunity for families to have fun and feel closer to each other at the same time. Community service helps to drive home the message that giving is much more than laying down cash for the hot gift of the season or scrambling around to buy mounds of presents.
Volunteerism can show kids that giving your time, effort, and kindness is more rewarding than just expecting to receive lots of presents.
Also, if volunteering begins at an early age, it can become part of your kids' lives — something they just want to do. It can teach them:

• that one person can make a difference. A wonderful, empowering message for kids is that they are important enough to have an impact on someone or something else.
• the benefit of sacrifice. By giving up a toy to a less fortunate child, a child learns that sometimes it's good to sacrifice. Cutting back on recreation time to help others reinforces that there are important things other than ourselves and our immediate needs.
• tolerance. Working in community service can bring kids and teens together with people of different backgrounds, abilities, ethnicities, ages, and education and income levels. They'll likely find that even the most diverse individuals can be united by common values.
• to be even more appreciative of what they have. By helping others who aren't as fortunate, kids can better see all the remarkable things to be grateful for in their own lives.

Choose to help an organization or group that fits with your family's values and the things you believe in. Just a few ways you can help out in your community and beyond:

• Sponsor another family in need or purchase some presents for less fortunate children through a toy donation program. Let your kids pick out and wrap the gifts themselves.
• If your kids love animals, talk to your local animal shelter. Many distribute staples like pet food to low-income pet owners over the holidays and need volunteers to help.
• Give back to the elderly in your area. Help out at a nursing home; visit with older people who could use a little extra joy and company around the holidays; bring gifts or meals to those who are homebound; or lend a hand to elderly neighbors with decorating, cooking, or wrapping presents.
• Volunteer your family's time by helping out at a children's hospital or homeless shelter or building or refurbishing housing for people in need.

Community service can teach kids that giving comes in many forms, not just as presents. Emphasize that giving of their time, effort, and caring can mean so much more — and last longer — than any gift that money can buy.

4. Give Gifts With Meaning

Of course, gift giving will always be a large part of the holiday season. And with good reason — it can teach kids to really consider what might make others happy and what's important to people they care about. Watching loved ones' faces as they open presents that your children put a lot of heart and thought into can make the holidays more worthwhile for your kids.
But presents don't always have to be purchased in a store. Teach your kids how to put some real meaning and feelings into their gifts this year and beyond. Making their own presents can help show just how much kids care and can make the experience of giving more rewarding for both kids and their gift recipients.
Here are some ideas to get your family started:

• Make homemade gifts together.
  • Create photo albums, especially small "brag books" that family members can carry around with them. Not only does this capture precious memories and show just how much they mean, making photo album gifts also shows loved ones that a lot of thought and time was put into their presents.
  • Print and frame favorite digital photos of friends and loved ones.
  • Create customized stationery for people on your family's list using your home computer and printer.
  • Have your kids create their own customized artwork — collages, paintings, drawings, etc. — and put them in fun frames. They can even decorate the frames.
  • Create a customized family tree for family members (something grandparents would especially appreciate).
  • Make your own batches of presents, like potpourri or ornaments, or wrapping paper and customized home decorations like wreaths.
  • Create personalized family videos for long-distance friends and loved ones.
• Give philanthropic gifts. Many communities hold fairs where you can buy gifts by making a donation to causes your family and friends care about. Others offer actual gifts made by people with special needs. Check out charity organizations' websites for information on donating money on behalf of others and about gifts whose proceeds go to the charity itself.
• Instead of giving gifts of things, teach kids to consider giving gifts of time. For example, their grandmother may welcome their help in learning how to use a computer program. Or their little sister may want to learn how to knit. Have family members create special gift certificates (e.g., "two free car washes," "five free specially prepared meals," "10 free loads of laundry," etc.). These days, when everyone's so stretched, a gift of time can be more meaningful than one that costs big bucks.

Be a Good Holiday Role Model

Show your kids that the holidays can be joyous and fulfilling, not just a stress-ridden time that revolves around marathon shopping trips. Emphasize early on that it's not about tons of presents, but giving and receiving a few heartfelt gifts.
By starting early with traditions that emphasize the true meaning of the holidays and the caring thoughts behind gift giving, you can help to mold your kids' perspectives on the holiday season and what it means to both give and receive all year long.

This information was provided by Willis-Knighton Health System. For more medically reviewed health information written for parents, kids, and teens visit <www.wkhs.com>. ©2008 The Nemours Foundation/KidsHealth. Used under license.

What interferes with open communicaton?

Sometimes communication is difficult. Perhaps one or more family members have strong feelings about the situation and express these feelings in ways that may confuse the child. Warning signs may include:

 

• Family members feel very angry towards one another. They have trouble dealing with and expressing these feelings
• Family members feel very defensive and resentful. They may think that others blame them for another family member's problems. For example, a parent may feel blamed for the child's problems or a grandparent may feel blamed for a parent's problems.
• Family members feel hostile toward people outside the family. This may include teachers or other school personnel, "the system," or professionals who are trying to help. They may turn down support or help that is offered.

 

These feelings affect children. Feelings that are communicated in very negative ways, such as sarcasm, shouting, yelling, mean statements, hostile silence, or even hitting are harmful. They affect the child's communication with others and distance them from people who are trying to help. Negative communication keeps families from understanding that every member plays a role. It also can make families less open to change and lead to problems in the child's life.

 

 

 

Credits

Authors

Julie Poehlmann, Ph. D.

Assistant Professor

Human Development and Family

Studies

Waisman Center

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Mary Brintnall-Peterson, Ph. D.

Professor, Family Living Programs

University of Wisconsin–Extension

Rebecca Shlafer

Research Intern

Human Development and Family

Studies

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Kari Morgan, Ph. D.

Former Program Specialist

Family Living Programs

University of Wisconsin Extension

Behaviors as communication: What is your grandchild trying to tell you?

Young children often do not have the language skills to clearly put words to their thoughts and feelings. You'll have to take clues from their behavior to try to understand what they're trying to communicate.

Sometimes, children act out to get attention because they feel sad or neglected. Other times, children withdraw from the environment and ignore special people in their lives. This does not mean they don't care about those people. Sometimes children act in certain ways because they don't know any other way to express themselves.

Understanding your grandchild's behaviors may be easy. It's not as simple as "If my grandchild does X, he's feeling Y." Children (and adults) are not that straightforward. One behavior can express a number of different things. Understanding the child and the stuation can help you figure out what the behaviors mean.

The source of a child's behaviors can depend on a lot of different things. Understanding these factors is important. It is one key to helping you understand what your grandchildren are saying when they behave in ways that are confusing or troublesome.

Factors within the child:

• age
• developmental level (especially language skills)
• child's temperament (is the child usually busy, calm, fussy, or pleasant?)
• gender
• physical well-being (is the child hungry, tired, or sick?)
• emotional well-being (is the child stressed or depressed?)

Factors within the family:

• quality of family relationships
• communication styles in the family
• time spent together
• what has the child been told about the situation?
• what does the child know about the situation?

Factors within the situation:

• how recent are the changes in the child's life?
• school environment
• quality of friendships
• neighborhood factors
• grandparents' job
• other stressors and supports

Credits

Authors

Julie Poehlmann, Ph. D.

Assistant Professor

Human Development and Family

Studies

Waisman Center

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Mary Brintnall-Peterson, Ph. D.

Professor, Family Living Programs

University of Wisconsin–Extension

Rebecca Shlafer

Research Intern

Human Development and Family

Studies

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Kari Morgan, Ph. D.

Former Program Specialist

Family Living Programs

University of Wisconsin Extension

Problems in Communication

Some situations prevent open communication. Sometimes the grandparent is in control of communication between the parent and the grandchild. When  a parent is in prison or jail, the only way a young chld can contact him or her is through another adult--usually the grandparent. The grandparent is responsible for travel to the prison, calling the parent, mailing cards or letters, etc. This role can add more stress for a grandparent who already has a difficult job.

Sometimes it's hard to know what a parent will do, which can be hard on you as well as your grandchild. When a parent drops in without warning, other family members can be caught off guard. They may become angry, making your grandchild feel insecure. Helping your grandchild understand by talking openly about his or her feelings can make the situation easier.

What children are told about the situation may not reflect what they learn on their own. Children can read people's emotions by what they hear, see, and feel. They hear adults talking or piece together bits of information. Often they understand more than adults think they do.

When deciding what to tell your grandchildren about the situation, it's important to consider thei age and developmental skills. The following tips may help:

1. Avoid telling the child too much.  Many children are simple too young to understand the whole story. When grandparents tell a young child all of the details of the situation, they may be doing more harm than good.  Too much information can be confusing, scary, and overwhelming for the child.

2. Avoid telling the child too little or nothing at all. Kids are smart. They will pick up tidbits about their situation, even if the details are not discussed directly. If children learn about what's going on from someone else, they could feel urt, deceived, and confused. They may avoid asking you questions or talking to you about other important concerns because they think certain topics are "off limits."

3. Never twist the facts or lie to the child. Even young children know the difference between the truth and a lie. They often piece together information, but then are afraid to talk about the truth. Some people may twist the facts in an effort to protect the child. But that approach often backfires. When children are told untruths about the situation, they may become very confused, angry, and hurt. The best strategy is to be honest with your grandchildren, at their level of understanding. Your grandchildren will learn the importance of trust and honesty in relationships.

When talking with any child, it is important to keep in mind his or her skills and limits.

The Importance of Open Communication

Open communication means taking the time to listen, explaining facts in simple and honest ways, and clearly expressing your thoughts and feelings. Families that communicate openly listen and talk with one another. The lines of communication need to go both directions.

Open communication can help make life changes easier for a child. It can help children understand that behaviors go along with thoughts and feelings. For example, if you're upset with something your grandchild has done, explaining why will help him recognize what made Grandma or Grandpa angry and it will help him to change his behavior.

In many situations, open communication between grandparents, parents, and children is not possible. Sometimes no one may know where the parent is living. Or, for legal reasons, the parent may not be allowed to see the child. Relationships may have a lot of problems. When there are two parents and two sets of grandparents, open communication may be more difficult.

Open communication between you and your grandchild is essential. If possible, talk honestly and openly with your grandchildren in a way that they will understand. Having someone they trust to talk with--and get answers from--helps children feel safe and understood. Open communication is important for a positive relationship.

Although it may be out of your control, having your grandchild stay in touch with his or her parent can be helpful. Staying in touch on a regular basis with their parents can be reassuring and comforting to your grandchildren. Not knowing when or if they will hear from their parents is very hard for children.

After talking with a parent, either in person or on the phone, children may seem upset. They may feel confused. In most cases, being upset doesn't mean children shouldn't talk to their parents, Instead, make sure you take time to help them "debrief" and to express their feelings.

Credits

Authors

Julie Poehlmann, Ph. D.

Assistant Professor

Human Development and Family

Studies

Waisman Center

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Mary Brintnall-Peterson, Ph. D.

Professor, Family Living Programs

University of Wisconsin–Extension

Rebecca Shlafer

Research Intern

Human Development and Family

Studies

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Kari Morgan, Ph. D.

Former Program Specialist

Family Living Programs

University of Wisconsin Extension

Kick Up Your Halloween Food Fun!

http://www.grandparents.com/food-and-leisure/holiday-recipes/cool-ghoul-cupcakes-recipe

 Instructions:

1. Green Goblin
Sour gummy candy rings and straws, white and green jelly beans, mini chocolate chips

2. Witchy Ways
Mini candy-coated chocolates, dyed coconut, chocolate cookie, sugar cone, purchased green icing

3. Going Batty
Halved chocolate wafer cookie, candy-coated chocolate piece, sprinkles, purchased green icing

4. So Spooked
White candy-coated almonds, puffed cocoa cereal

5. Alien Invasion
Dark chocolate-covered almonds

6. Peek A Boo
Sliced marshmallow, small mint candies, candy-coated chocolate piece, sugar

7. Whooo’s There?
Oval chocolate cookie, cashew, fruit-flavor candy circles, shaved coconut, pretzel rods, mini chocolate chips

8. Under Wraps
Candy-coated chocolate pieces, purchased green and white icing

9. Ghostly Figure
White fondant cookie-cutter cutout


Thank you grandparents.com for some great fun food ideas for the grandkids!