The Importance of Open Communication

Open communication means taking the time to listen, explaining facts in simple and honest ways, and clearly expressing your thoughts and feelings. Families that communicate openly listen and talk with one another. The lines of communication need to go both directions.

Open communication can help make life changes easier for a child. It can help children understand that behaviors go along with thoughts and feelings. For example, if you're upset with something your grandchild has done, explaining why will help him recognize what made Grandma or Grandpa angry and it will help him to change his behavior.

In many situations, open communication between grandparents, parents, and children is not possible. Sometimes no one may know where the parent is living. Or, for legal reasons, the parent may not be allowed to see the child. Relationships may have a lot of problems. When there are two parents and two sets of grandparents, open communication may be more difficult.

Open communication between you and your grandchild is essential. If possible, talk honestly and openly with your grandchildren in a way that they will understand. Having someone they trust to talk with--and get answers from--helps children feel safe and understood. Open communication is important for a positive relationship.

Although it may be out of your control, having your grandchild stay in touch with his or her parent can be helpful. Staying in touch on a regular basis with their parents can be reassuring and comforting to your grandchildren. Not knowing when or if they will hear from their parents is very hard for children.

After talking with a parent, either in person or on the phone, children may seem upset. They may feel confused. In most cases, being upset doesn't mean children shouldn't talk to their parents, Instead, make sure you take time to help them "debrief" and to express their feelings.

Credits

Authors

Julie Poehlmann, Ph. D.

Assistant Professor

Human Development and Family

Studies

Waisman Center

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Mary Brintnall-Peterson, Ph. D.

Professor, Family Living Programs

University of Wisconsin–Extension

Rebecca Shlafer

Research Intern

Human Development and Family

Studies

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Kari Morgan, Ph. D.

Former Program Specialist

Family Living Programs

University of Wisconsin Extension

Kick Up Your Halloween Food Fun!

http://www.grandparents.com/food-and-leisure/holiday-recipes/cool-ghoul-cupcakes-recipe

 Instructions:

1. Green Goblin
Sour gummy candy rings and straws, white and green jelly beans, mini chocolate chips

2. Witchy Ways
Mini candy-coated chocolates, dyed coconut, chocolate cookie, sugar cone, purchased green icing

3. Going Batty
Halved chocolate wafer cookie, candy-coated chocolate piece, sprinkles, purchased green icing

4. So Spooked
White candy-coated almonds, puffed cocoa cereal

5. Alien Invasion
Dark chocolate-covered almonds

6. Peek A Boo
Sliced marshmallow, small mint candies, candy-coated chocolate piece, sugar

7. Whooo’s There?
Oval chocolate cookie, cashew, fruit-flavor candy circles, shaved coconut, pretzel rods, mini chocolate chips

8. Under Wraps
Candy-coated chocolate pieces, purchased green and white icing

9. Ghostly Figure
White fondant cookie-cutter cutout


Thank you grandparents.com for some great fun food ideas for the grandkids!

Developing Attachment Relationships

Understanding how children form relationships with others is important in helping children learn to communicate and behave. The following list describes the usual path children take when developing attachment relationships.

 

1. Pre-attachment

• Birth to 6 weeks
• Babies are in close contact with caregivers
• Caregivers meet babies' needs for food and comfort
• Most babies do not get upset when left with a stranger

2. Attachment in the making

• 6 weeks to 6-8 months
• Children begin to respond to attachment figures in special ways (for example, a baby may calm down more easily for his mother than he would for another person)
• Late in this phase, children express distress with strange people and objects; they may cry or fuss if a stranger tries to hold them for the first time.

3. Clear-cut attachment

• 6-8 months to 18-24 months
• Nearly all children have formed an attachment relationship by this time
• Children show great distress when their caregiver leaves. A child may cry or have a tantrum when her mom leaves for work or when left with a babysitter.
• Children find a sense of security from caregivers who respond with understanding, openness, and love

4. Reciprocal relationships

• 18-24 months and older
• If they have learned to expect comfort, safety, and love, children feel secure when the caregiver is gone for a short period of time
• If the caregiver is gone for long periods of time, children become very unhappy
• Children form other relationships based on these early relationships

Questions to ask yourself...

• What was your relationship with your grandchild prior to the present living arrangement? How would you describe your relationship now?
• What does the child know about the situation ( ex. where his or her parents are)? How has it been explained?
• Is this a temporary or permanent change for the child? If temporary, how long will it last?
• How are you feeling about parenting your grandchild? Do you have someone you can talk to about your feelings?

 

 Reference: Bowllby,J.Attachment and Loss. 3 vols. New York:Basic Books, 1969-1980)

Authors:

Julie Poehlmann, Ph. D.Assistant Professor Human Development and Family Studies, Waisman Center, University of Wisconsin-Madison

Mary Brintnall-Peterson, Ph. D. Professor, Family Living Programs, University of Wisconsin–Extension

Rebecca Shlafer Research InternHuman Development and Family Studies, University of Wisconsin-Madison

Kari Morgan, Ph. D Former Program Specialist Family Living Programs, University of Wisconsin Extension

Positive Attachment Figures

Most children have a few attachment figures in their lives. An attachment figure typically cares for the child physically and emotionally, is someone the child can count on, and has an emotional attachment to the child. Most grandparents raising grandchildren meet these standards.

People who have a positive attachment relationship with a child share the following characteristics:

• Sensitive
• Loving
• Available
• Close by
• Stable
• Open
• Responsive
• Affectionate
• Trustworthy
• Consistent

Although most children develop several attachment relationships, the quality of these relationships may be different. Four types of attachment relationships have been studied: one is a secure type and three are insecure types. The secure attachment relationship is ideal for a child's healthy development. A child with an insecure attachment relationship may... 

•  avoid close relationships
• feel conflicted about close relationships or
• feel confused and fearful about close relationships.

Many studies have examined children's attachment relationships and their effects on development. A good relationship with a positive attachment figure can have important, long-lasting effects on a child's development. A healthy relationship is shown to:

• enhance a child's pretend play
• promote a child's healthy exploration
• enrich a child's educational experiences in school
• lead to healthy self-concepts and self-understanding
• increase a child's confidence
• increase a child's learning through experimentation
• lead to positive relationships with friends.

From: "The Importance of Close Relationships, Grandparents Raising Grandchildren, University of Wisconsin Extension

Authors

Julie Poehlmann, Ph. D.Assistant Professor Human Development and Family Studies, Waisman Center, University of Wisconsin-Madison

Mary Brintnall-Peterson, Ph. D. Professor, Family Living Programs, University of Wisconsin–Extension

Rebecca Shlafer Research InternHuman Development and Family Studies, University of Wisconsin-Madison

Kari Morgan, Ph. D Former Program Specialist Family Living Programs, University of Wisconsin Extension

Importance of Attachment

Six Stories to Share with Your Grandchildren

Sharing family history through stories provides children a positive connection to the generations before them, vivid anecdotes to cherish and recall about those they love, those who love them in return. Though each family has unique experiences worth passing along, here are six stories we all have to share:
How you met your partner in grandparenting. This story serves as the genesis of your family, the reason for all stories that follow, making it the natural spot to begin sharing family history. Were you and your spouse school chums? Was it love at first sight? What made you nervous, made you laugh, made you know it was meant to be? Grandchildren will appreciate not only your words but the nostalgic gleam in your eye as you recall young love.
The day the grandchild’s parent was born. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the grandchild’s Mommy or Daddy in the baby carriage. Tell your grandchild all about the glorious day her parent arrived in the world – minus any frightening tales of being in labor, of course. Considering Mommy or Daddy as a wrinkled and wailing yet oh-so adorable infant will surely make any child smile.
The day the grandchild was born. Talk about adorable! This is the day that matters more than any other to a child. Sure, they likely heard the story from Mom’s and Dad’s perspective, but what about Grandma’s or Grandpa’s? Were you in the room when the grandchild entered the world? Or were you miles away, the phone close by your side as you anxiously awaited news that would forever rock your world? Did you laugh or cry with joy? And how did that first cuddle with your newborn grandbaby feel?
School days, school ways. Once a child begins kindergarten all the way up through the college years, school makes up the bulk of his experiences. Share your own experiences related to teachers, classmates, beloved (and detested) subjects, extracurricular activities, and more. Why was your favorite teacher your favorite? Did you walk to school or ride a bus? And as lunchtime continues to be a favorite part of the school day, what was the midday meal like for you? Some things were likely very different back in your school days, others very much the same.
Your first job and your favorite job. Early work experiences provide far more than money for movie tickets or coveted clothing parents can’t provide. First jobs help teach responsibility, new skills, a sense of purpose, an understanding of the world outside our homes and, more often than not, provide some of the first non-family role models in a young adult’s life. Grandchildren who will soon seek employment – from babysitting and lawn-mowing jobs to post-college careers – will especially relate to stories from Grandma or Grandpa on how they navigated the business world, for better and for worse.
Your proudest moments. Pride in oneself is a powerful and positive tool, and there’s no easier way to encourage that in children than by sharing anecdotes of pride-filled moments from your past. Are your proudest moments tied to creative pursuits or related to service to your family, your community, your country? Perhaps it was a moment of realizing your personal power when resisting peer pressure, accepting responsibility, overcoming a challenge? Sharing such moments leads a child to consider similar moments she should – or could – be proud of.
Reading books with little ones make for treasured story times. Next time your grandchild requests a story, though, share a personal tale from the heart instead of from a book. Such family narratives engage a grandchild far beyond just bedtime; they entertain and enlighten your grandchild for a lifetime.

Source: Grandparents.com, 6 Family Stories to Tell Your Grandchildren Again and Again, By Lisa Carpenter

Troubled or Normal?

While any negative behavior repeated over and over can be a sign of underlying trouble, it’s important for parents (and caretakers) to understand which behaviors are normal during adolescent development, and which can point to more serious problems. The chart below (from HelpGuide.com, Help for Troubled Teens) might help you sort it out.

When Typical Teen Behavior Becomes Troubled Teen Behavior
Typical Teen Behavior	Warning Signs of a Troubled Teen
Changing appearance. Keeping up with fashion is important to teens. That may mean wearing provocative or attention-seeking clothing or dyeing hair. Unless your teen wants tattoos, avoid criticizing and save your protests for the bigger issues. Fashions change, and so will your teen.	Changing appearance can be a red flag if it’s accompanied by problems at school or other negative changes in behavior, or if there’s evidence of cutting and self-harm or extreme weight loss or weight gain.
Increased arguments and rebellious behavior. As teens begin seeking independence, you will frequently butt heads and argue.	Constant escalation of arguments, violence at home, skipping school, getting in fights, and run-ins with the law are all red flag behaviors that go beyond the norm of teenage rebellion.
Mood swings. Hormones and developmental changes often mean that your teen will experience mood swings, irritable behavior, and struggle to manage his or her emotions.	Rapid changes in personality, falling grades, persistent sadness, anxiety, or sleep problems could indicate depression, bullying, or another emotional health issue. Take any talk about suicide seriously.
Experimenting with alcohol or drugs. Most teens will try alcohol and smoke a cigarette at some point. Many will even try marijuana. Talking to your kids frankly and openly about drugs and alcohol is one way to ensure it doesn’t progress further.	When alcohol or drug use becomes habitual, especially when it’s accompanied by problems at school or home, it may indicate a substance abuse issue or other underlying problems.
More influenced by friends than parents. Friends become extremely important to teens and can have a great influence on their choices. As teens focus more on their peers, that inevitably means they withdraw from you. It may leave you feeling hurt, but it doesn’t mean your teen doesn’t still need your love.	Red flags include a sudden change in peer group (especially if the new friends encourage negative behavior), refusing to comply with reasonable rules and boundaries, or avoiding the consequences of bad behavior by lying. Your teen spending too much time alone can also indicate problems.